I´ll still love you
by BatidaDC
Summary: Hi, this is my first fanfic ever and it takes place just after 'The Chrismukkah Bar MitzVahkkah'. It´s a general story with mostly SS...Hope you like it! R
1. Prologue: Merry Chrismukkah

Hi,

First of all I want to wish you all a 'Happy New Year'…

And just to start it worthy I decided to post a fanfic for the very first time ever; and it´s also the first story I ever really wrote ;-)…

It´s a general story, but with mostly SS context…and although the idea is pretty old, I got inspired by the last few episodes…and out came this….

The first few chapters are kinda slow and even a little bit mushy, but I can promise you the drama is on it´s way….

Hope you like it and please review, even if you don´t think it was good – I´m pretty sure I can take some critic as long as it´s objective. ;-)

And 'thanks' to my amazing Beta-readers: Steffi, Isa and Dani….Love you guys ;-))

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Prologue: Merry Chrismukkah

The whole house smelled like cookies…chocolate and cinnamon, orange, citrus, pistachio and almond. The aroma was almost dizzying and if you didn´t know it better one could think it was a bakery…if there wouldn´t have been the huge white mansion, the Californian sun glistening in the oversized pool, Hilary Duff´s Christmas album playing on high volume and two 18 year old girls, standing in the kitchen covered and surrounded with flour and dough…laughing like they were innocent little girls again, throwing even more of the sticky sweat mixture at each other.

It was 10:00 AM on December 24th and Marissa and Summer had called the Roberts´ kitchen their own in attempt to bake at least a billion of Christmas cookies. Well, however…they had managed to make a whole bunch of chocolate and cinnamon ones before the fight had started and the rest of their ingredients were thrown into their hair, faces and onto their clothes.

Both had crossed the line of ridiculous a while ago and right now Summer had her fist full of dough, smiling threateningly at her best friend, while Marissa held up the half full box of flour, grinning just as evilly.

"Don´t dare to…", giggled Summer, holding her full fist just a little higher.

"Or what?", laughed Marissa before she threw the whole contents of the box right in Summer´s face and cracked up.

"Oh, come here you…", she yelled back laughing, flour falling down her nose as she smashed the cookie dough right on top of Marissa´s head.

"You girls have fun?", Neil Roberts asked smirking at the sight of the two girls, standing in the doorway, holding the phone in his hand.

Both girls looked at each other shocked, busted, before they fell back into hysterics.

"Sorry, Dad. We´ll clean that up, promise!", Summer said sheepishly, giving her dad her best puppy dog face and a full pout.

"Yeah, it´s okay, sweetie. Marissa, your mom´s on the phone."

Marissa rubbed her palms on her apron before she took the receiver from Mr. Roberts and left the kitchen.

Walking over to his daughter he rubbed some flour off of her tiny nose, smiling at her, before her reached out for one of the cookies.

"Dad!", she cried out, slapping his hand. "Don´t! We just have this few and they´re for tonight."

"Yeah, well...if you put the rest of the dough in your hair instead of the oven…", Neil replied, grinning widely at Summer, who just gave him a meaningful look.

"And about tonight…I kind of wanted to talk to you!"

"Sure!", Summer stated just as Marissa came back into the kitchen, frowning.

"My mom´s on her way to pick me up so we can get Caitlin.", she said, obviously not too exited about it.

"Well, that´s great. You haven´t seen her in sooo long and I know you miss her."

Caitlin hadn´t been home since last Christmas, since the last summer hadn´t been the best time to come back, and everyone knew that Marissa was pretty upset that she had lost the contact to her little sister.

"Yeah, it´s still weird, you know….I´m sorry to leave you with this mess, but if it´s okay, I´ll help you later."

"Na, it´s okay.", Summer answered, waving it off, just as the bell rang.

"Ok, thanks…Bye."

"So, you wanted to talk! I´m free now.", Summer said smiling to her dad as Marissa got out of sight, throwing a cloth at him.

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"Hey, mom.", Marissa greeted unenthusiastically as she got into her Mom´s BMW.

"Hey, sweetie. How are…", Julie stopped dead in tracks at the sight of her daughter´s hair, that was pulled into a messy ponytail, sticky and straggly.

"Me and Summer were baking cookies.", she deadpanned, ignoring the look on her mother´s face.

"Okay, I´m not going to ask for further explanation….I-There´s- I…I have something to tell you. Something important. I wanted to tell you before, but….but I got scared and I was ashamed, I still am, and now your sister is coming back home and…"

"Mom!"

Julie looked at Marissa completely out of breath and pulled to the side of the road, stopping the car. Closing her eyes she said: "We´re bankrupt and I´m living in a trailer."

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"Wow! Something´s smelling really awesome in here.", Sandy stated smiling as he stepped into the kitchen, where Kirsten was cooking.

"Ah, and it looks awesome, too…", he went on as he wrapped his arms around his wife´s slim waist from behind and looked over her shoulder at all the delicious looking things Kirsten prepared for tonight´s dinner.

"…Just like the cook herself."

He kissed her on the temple then on the neck before stepping to her side, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"So, you invited Julie and the kids?"

"Yeah, I couldn´t let her do this at her…home. And she´s telling Marissa today, so I thought they could need at least a great Christmas Eve.", Kirsten replied, looking sad for her friend.

"Wow, breaking the news to two kids on one day. That´s tough!...They´re really lucky to have you…", he said, sliding his arms around her waist again, facing her this time.

"…We all are.", he murmured against her lips, before they kissed.

"OMG,…I´m blind now!", Seth cried out at the sight of his parents kissing like love crazed teenagers.

"Come on, Seth…your mom´s a hottie and besides, it´s not like your mom and I never tripped over you and Summer making out!", Sandy said grinning, amused by the look of pure horror on his son´s face.

"Okay,…that is just…wrong!", he replied, shaking his head. "I´ve made the booties." He held up four Christmas boots of red felt for evidence.

"Oh, thanks, sweetie…that´s so sweet of you.", Kirsten said, pinching his cheek.

"Mom, please…Oh, and I didn´t know how they spell Caitlin, so I wrote 'little Cooper' on her one."

Kirsten´s smile fell and she looked at Seth unbelievingly, while Sandy just couldn´t suppress a laugh.

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Summer just looked at her dad, who refused to look her in the eyes.

"So, you and Carrie are getting divorced!" Her voice was blank and emotionless.

"I´m so sorry, sweetie. I just-…We tried to make this work for so long now, but it just doesn´t. I wasn´t happy, she wasn´t happy…and most importantly you weren´t happy."

Summer looked up and met her dad´s eyes as he continued.

"You know,…when your mom left you were so broken and hurt and I couldn´t help you. And even when I tried to, you wouldn´t let me….You made me responsible for her leaving and I was somehow. So then I met Carrie and I liked her and she liked you and I convinced myself that you would like her too…and I thought it would be great if you had a mother again. But now…now I think maybe I just made it worse with that decision, didn´t I?"

Neil Roberts looked at his daughter, lost, hurt and sorry, wanting to hear a lie although he already knew the truth.

Summer blinked as she tried to hold back the tears that threatened to slip.

"Dad…"

"Yeah…", he sighed. "Now I know that you didn´t need a new mom, You needed your real one and I chased her away…."

"Dad…", she choked out through the big lump in her throat at hot salty tears started to fall, streaming down her face rapidly. She had never seen her dad like this before and it scared her. Until that day, he had always been that strong, tough man for her, that she had admired and looked up to. And now, seeing the vulnerable and hurt side of him she knew that it wasn´t just her who needed him, but that he needed her just as much, maybe even more.

"Dad…I wanted mom back, but more importantly I needed you. You! Not mom coming back crying and being unhappy or another woman playing her part…I just needed you! I still do!"

And she said the truth. She had missed her mom so badly, she still did…yeah, there were even those nights when she would cry herself to sleep. And even to remember the pain back then made her whole body ache. She had just wanted her mommy back, but instead she had lost her daddy too, to a strange woman that she had never really liked and that had forced herself into her mom´s position, at least in the beginning.

Summer looked into her dad´s grey eyes as he pulled her into his arms, hugging and comforting her while she sobbed into his chest.

Now her and her dad had gotten hurt all over again and for the 10.000.000th time Summer wondered what her life had been like if Carolyn James-Roberts hadn´t left all these years ago.

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"I don´t believe this! What the hell happened to Caleb´s money!...The only reason you even married him was for his money…and now we have to live in here? The whole thing just has the size of my former bedroom…uh, and it´s so ugly! I don´t even want to know what I could catch in here!...Hellooo, I once heard something about hygiene, but that´s just…ugh, what was that? It´s got limbs! I can´t believe this!..."

Marissa and Julie just looked at each other, heads shaking. In the last two years Caitlin Cooper had changed from a spoiled but cute little girl into a monster-teenager. She hadn´t stopped complaining since the minute she had left the plane; and since she´d found out where her new home was, Marissa had started to reconsider the whole 'I´m glad to have my sister back'- thing and Julie liked the idea of boarding schools just a little more with every passing minute.

"Mom…there´s just like one bedroom! Where do I sleep?...Where´s MY room?", Cait asked unnerved as she stepped back into the living room / main room after she had inspected everything.

"Well, Marissa can´t stay at Summer´s for forever, so I guess, you two share the bedroom and I´ll sleep on the couch…until I found something better.", Julie answered, using the same annoying tone in her voice like her daughter.

Marissa looked down at her feet. As Julie had told her the truth, just two hours ago, she had been shocked at first, but somehow it had been okay. She knew that they would get through this and even offered to look for a job. And although she and her mom had never really been close, they even fought most of the time and she really didn´t support her mom´s priorities in life, she felt kinda awful for her right now. Julie had fought so hard to get away from this life, that she had grown up in, and now, 20 years later, she had to go all the way back; just this time with two daughters in tow. Marissa knew that she was ashamed and hurt and Caitlin wasn´t making the whole thing easier, and she couldn´t but feel pity for her mom…at least a little bit.

"You´re not serious, right!", Caitlin yelled hysterically, "No, you can´t be!"

"Caitlin, calm down! I don´t like it either, in fact I hate it, but it is how it is now and until I haven´t got a little money to get us out of here, we´re gonna have to stick with it. So get over it already!", Julie yelled back just as loudly. She was a bitch after all ;-).

"Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"I sure did and I´m your mother so I have every right to do so!"

"God, I hate you! I hate my life!"

Marissa just looked back and forth between her now crying sister to her still yelling and tired looking Mom.

This was going to be a hell of a holiday…

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Seth opened the front door of the Roberts´ mansion after nobody had answered to his impatient ringing.

"Summer?...Dr. Roberts?", he called out loud into the huge empty hall as he stepped further in.

The doors to the patio were wide open and he thought the huge Christmas tree looked kinda odd in front of the oversized pool. But this was Newport, this was Southern California after all and everything looked kinda odd in connection with Christmas…at least with Christmas in the traditional way.

The house seemed silent and desolate, except for the quiet sound of music, coming from upstairs.

He made his way up the large curved staircase to Summer´s room, the sound of one of Mariah Carey´s awful songs got even more clearer with every step until he had finally reached her bedroom door, the music now pounding in his ears.

"Summer?", he called out as he peeped into her room, the door still halfway closed.

The curtains were drawn close and the sunlight that fell through the thin material put the room into a gold glow ; Clothes laid around on the floor, making a line from her stereo, where Mariah was playing on a much higher volume than he could take, to her bed, where a little bump was formed underneath the lilac covers.

"Summer?", Seth called out again after turning down the music and making his way to the side of her bed.

"Not here!" Her voice was muffled and you didn´t need to be a genius to hear that she had cried.

"Hey, what´s wrong?", he asked concerned as he sat beside her, rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her.

She didn´t answer though. Just her tiny and now mascara smeared arm came up from underneath the comforter, yanking at the collar of his polo and pulling him down next to her, where she immediately snuggled closer to him, facing him in the dark underneath the covers.

"What´s wrong?", he asked again, confused and concerned of what might had happened and caressed her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

Suddenly her eyes shot open and the sight of her teary and completely hurt looking eyes almost killed him. Whatever might had happened, had been harsh, according to her look and behavior.

"Not now.", she said in a quiet and shaky voice, putting her index finger to his lips, before she snuggled her almost naked body even closer to him and kissed him with everything she felt at that moment.

Seth could feel her lips quiver while they kissed and he could feel hot tears that spilled from her eyes, falling on both of their faces…but he knew better than to ask her again, cause whatever had happened, right now she just needed him to be there…

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Sandy and Kirsten where in the kitchen, he reading some newspaper, her hurrying around, cooking and summing quietly to 'White Christmas' that was playing in the background.

"Hey, you know where Ryan is?", she asked curious and with slight concern since she hadnt seen her son all day.

"Ah, I guess hes looking for some last minute stuff.", Sandy replied smirking and knowing what was about to come…

"Men."

He couldn´t suppress a laugh and Kirsten shot him a devil´s glare, about to say something, he was sure, not so nice as the phone rang to rescue him.

She shot him one last meaningful look before picking up the phone.

"Kirsten Cohen!...Oh, hey sweetie…oh…hmmm….Really?...Yeah, I guess…No, it´s not a problem…No, they´re welcome…Sure…Okay…Bye…" She laid down the receiver, shaking her head.

"I can´t believe this kid sometimes."

"Huh, what´s wrong?", Sandy asked, stepping in front of his wife.

"Nothing…Seth has invited Summer and her dad for tonight. Apparently her step-mom is outta town and he thought it would be too sad to let them celebrate on their own."

"Well, he´s your son, he has a huge heart…and besides, it´s not like Summer wouldn´t have been here most of the time anyways."

"I didn´t mean it like that! I like Summer and Neil´s very nice…I just don´t know where to put all these people…and I´m not sure if we have enough to eat…and…."

"Wow, calm down…it´s gonna be fine. And we have tons of food, so don´t worry." He rubbed his palms up and down her arms reassuringly, finding it unbelievably cute how she wanted everything to be perfect.

"I just want it to be a great Chrismukkah, you know! It´s the first without my dad and the last with the boys at home…", she stated sadly.

"Yeah, I know…but we´ve already covered that this year is the best Chrismukkah ever and the more people the more fun…"

She smiled up at him and he couldn´t but smile back.

"You know what? I just thought that there is just one person left to complete the package…my -…"

Suddenly the front door swung open and an all too familiar voice called out: "Guess who´s here?"

"…mom.", Sandy finished, the look pure shock on his face mirroring in Kirsten´s eyes."

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Hope you liked it… 

More is about to come. ;-)

Thx

Sarah


	2. Chapter 1: Christmas Eve

Thanks for the nice reviews! I really appreciate it! ;-)

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Chapter 1: Christmas Eve

She traced her fingertips lightly over his bare chest, feeling the softness and warmth of his skin. Her fingers wandered up his neck, over the tendon, which stood out a little since he had his head bent to the side, facing her. They went further up, over his cheek up to his forehead and back down his nose to his lips, tracing their outline. His hot breath tickled on the top of her hand and her arm that rested on his chest rose and fell with every breath he did take.

Her dark eyes wandered over his features again, resting on his closed eyes for a moment and she tried to count his thick dark lashes, but failed. Her gaze went up to his dark messy bunch of curls, that were now standing in every possible direction and she twirled on of the soft curls around her index finger, loving the feel of it. Eyes darted lower again, resting on his nose and cheekbones this time, admiring the tiny freckles that no one but her knew they were there, until they finally came to a stop on his lips again, which were this time just slightly open.

The feelings that swirled through her body were overwhelming and she felt hot tears well up in her eyes, but this time due to very different reasons than just two hours ago.

He stirred in his sleep and smiled, fixing those adorable dimples that she had fallen for all this time ago and she couldn´t but kiss it. Her lips went to his, whispering a low and meaningful 'I love you' and breathed a tender kiss against them before she got out of the bed to take a shower.

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Sandy looked at Kirsten questioningly before he brought his eyes back to his mom.

There she sat, Sophie Ann Cohen, 65 years old, on the huge sofa in his den next to the gigantic Christmas tree, wearing a black pants suit and make up for the first time since she had been 30, with her dark curls falling down onto her shoulders, looking younger and happier than he had ever seen her before in his life.

"So, you´re living in New York again?", Kirsten asked all of the sudden, her exited sounding voice forced and faked to cover the obvious shock.

"Yeah, you know, after the boy´s visit last spring and the whole disaster with Bobby, I realized that I´m a little too young to live in a retirement home, although everything was really nice…", she smiled at Sandy, patting his knee thankfully and reproachfully at the same time, while he and Kirsten just continued to nod, obviously dumbfounded , "…so I took a trip to the Big Apple…and I had a really great time and I realized that I really missed all this. So when I met my old friend Sally-…Sandy, you know Sally Parker from the social services!...and she offered me a job, I couldn´t but take the chance." She looked at her son and daughter-in-law full of excitement, clasping her hands together, while they still looked at her as if an UFO had landed in their backyard.

"You- you´re working again?", Sandy asked unbelievingly, processing what he had just heard.

"Yes! Isn´t that great!", she chirped, smiling widely at the two shocked faces in front of her.

"If you´d excuse me know…I´m pretty tired; long flight." And with that she got off the couch and made her way up the stairs, her new Malono´s clicking on the marble floor, while Kirsten and Sandy looked after her, her patting his shoulder reassuringly.

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Ryan hurried through the kitchen and the den to get to the front door, where someone´s ringing had increased to impatient; and nothing could be more unnerving than the sound of the bell, ringing 5 times per second, when you´re just about to write your girlfriend a meaningful Christmas card.

Where were the Cohen´s when you needed them?

He opened the door and was taken aback by the mini-version of Marissa storming past him into the house, walking around the den and looking in every corner with the most tiny steps he had ever seen a woman/girl take and her butt standing out, making her look almost like Daisy or any usual Newport socialite for that matter, before she came to a halt in front of him and Julie and Marissa, who were still standing outside and looked just as confused as him but also annoyed, and said: "Nice!"

Ryan shot his head in Marissa´s direction, his mouth agape, but she just shrugged and came in with Julie at her heels.

But before anyone could get just one word out, her shrill voice spoke up again…

"So,…you´re Ryan! I remember you! You were the kid from Chino, the one, who burned down the Model Home and who´s mother got drunk at the Gamble Party…Right!"

Marissa and Julie shot daggers at her, but Ryan was still shocked. Never had he seen such a spoiled, arrogant and bitchy brat in his life before, and that meant a lot since he lived in Newport for over two years now.

"And YOU got my sister…", she spitted out the 'you' in obvious disgust. "…Well, I always preferred Luke…but I´m not the one, who has to sleep with you…So I really don´t care."

All three pairs of eyes widened in shock…

"Where are the others?", Caitlin asked, although obviously not interested in the least.

Just this moment the door to the basement swung open and Kirsten and Sandy appeared, both holding another box of Christmas decoration.

"Bar!", was the only thing Julie said and then followed an obviously confused looking Sandy out of the room.

Kirsten watched them disappear before she put the box down to greet Caitlin and Marissa.

"Hi, Caitlin…I don´t know if you remember me, but I´m K-…"

"Yeah, I know!", she interrupted, shaking Kirsten´s hand lazily. "Nice to see you…again…uhmm, is it okay if I watch TV?"

"Sure. In the living room, sweetie…suit yourself at home."

The young Cooper stormed out of the room and seconds later 50 Cent blasted through the house...followed by Julie´s unnerved yelling as she told Caitlin to shut it off.

Kirsten looked at Marissa and Ryan, who just shrugged.

This was going to be interesting.

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Neil Roberts stood in the doorway to his only daughter´s room, undiscovered, watching her how she applied make up on her beautiful face.

He hadn´t seen her since they had talked that morning, when she had cried a lot, mostly due to the memory of her real Mom leaving, and he had prepared himself for the first time ever not to celebrate Christmas, a holiday that meant most to him and Summer. But then Seth Cohen had showed up and she had come down to him in his office, smiling widely, and told him they´d celebrate Christmas, or Christmukkah like Seth called it, at the Cohen´s.

Until that moment he hadn´t really seen the importance that this boy had in Summer´s life, maybe he didn´t want to see it, but it had become undeniable, even for him. And so he couldn´t but stand there, watching her like he had done when she had been little, playing with her Barbies, and realized that maybe things had worked out pretty well.

Summer still hadn´t recognized her dad, standing at the door, as Seth walked into the room from her adjoined bathroom, arms half way in his black shirt and high above his head, which was completely buried in the black fabric.

"A little help, please.", he whined from underneath it and she couldn´t but smile at him.

Fumbling with the material, she finally got the shirt right and his now flushed face appeared, smiling at her like she was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen, fixing those amazing dimples in the progress.

A sudden flashback of earlier that afternoon and the feel of his warm and soft hands on her waist, combined wit the way he looked at her right now through those brown orbs, made her melt, and not for the first time made her body ache with all the emotions she felt but coudn´t sort out nor let completely show.

He pulled her closer, inhaling the cocos-aroma of her shampoo, combined with the vanilla perfume and the undeniable scent of her body. Seth closed his eyes, letting himself be dizzied by the feelings that aroused in him as she buried her face deeper in his chest and put her hand on his back, drawing him even closer to her.

Feeling her hot breath on his neck, his heart almost skipped a beat as she whispered those three meaningful words into his ear…

"I love you, Seth."

"I love you, too, Sum.", he whispered back ever so tenderly, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

They weren´t one of those couples, who were attached at the hip and couldn´t live one second without the other´s presence. And not at all were they the kind of a couple that would get all mushy at each other all the time.

They had fun, they fought and had hot make up sex, they had their serious moments and of course their issues that every now and then broke out onto the front and both were happy and content with what they had, cause it was just amazingly and honestly real and overwhelming.

But sometimes they just needed to be exactly like this, mushy and cheesy, when they couldn´t be without the feeling of the other one´s body, even if it was just holding hands, and they would whisper aww-worthy things in each other´s ears.

And maybe just because these moments were so rare, they were so special and meant so much to both of them…

So as Seth pressed her body so hard against him that it almost hurt, neither of them wanted it any other way.

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Julie had just drowned her 4th drink that afternoon, and it was just 5:00 PM, as she made her way to the pool house, where she knew Ryan would be alone.

"Knock knock.", she said, standing in the doorway to that boy´s own pool house, that was bigger than her whole new home.

Ryan looked up from the mess of wrapping paper on the floor and at her.

"Hey."

"Look!...I was wondering if we could…like…kinda talk, she asked sheepishly.

"Umm…yeah…uh, sure." He was obviously startled that she wanted to talk to him and she sensed that he was getting nervous a little bit, but she couldn´t really take offence by that – Julie knew, that she wasn´t really known as a nice person.

Ryan gestured to her to sit down in one of the armchairs as he sat at the edge of his bed.

"Okay, so…I guess Marissa told you about our current situation?" Ryan just nodded. "See..I don´t know if you know this, but I´m from Riverside. I grew up with just my father and two older sisters, living in a trailer park and…The point is, it was awful. I hated my life and the only thing I ever wanted was to get out of there, to live a better life without worries and problems but acceptation from others for a change. And somehow I got what I wanted, although I had to take more than one rocky path. I never…never wanted my daughters to have to experience anything like that…that was and still is most important to me and I fought for it. But now -…", Julie wiped away the tears that had started to show up at the corners of her eyes, looking completely desperate and sad.

"Um…shouldn´t you better talk to Kirsten? I mean, she´s your be-…", Ryan replied, rolling his eyes at her 'typical Julie' behavior and self-absorption, but was cut off by her…

"NO! She…she can´t understand. She never had to live in a part of the town where it´s dangerous to walk across the street past 7:00 PM, in a house where you have to share one tiny room without a window with your siblings and the walls are so thin that you can hear every word of your neighbors…but you did, Ryan. And you know Marissa. Probably better than me….And with everything that has happened the last two years I just wanted to know if…if she´s gonna be able to make it through this?" Julie´s voice had such a sincerity in it and she was looking at him through such teary pleading eyes, that Ryan couldn´t but think that maybe this time she really was concerned about someone else but herself.

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Neil Roberts followed Summer and Seth down the stairs, ready to leave for the Cohen´s as a shrill and obviously drunk voice yelled something intelligibly after them. He saw Summer grabbing Seth hand out of the corner of his eye, before he told them to wait at the car.

Walking into the direction of the living room the drunken slurring of a singing voice and the unmistakably clinging of ice cubes in an empty glass got more and more clearer with every step.

Carrie Roberts was laying on the couch in the living room, her black satiny blouse half way open, giving a clear view on her red bra. Her white skirt had rose up and was now laying in a creased mess around her waist, while she swung her empty scotch glass in her hand, summing 'Last Christmas'.

"Where are you going?", she yelled at him, not changing her position.

"Summer and I are going to the Cohen´s for dinner.", Neil replied, his voice full of disgust for the woman he once had loved.

"Oh, yeah…Kirsten Cohen…the most perfect woman in whole Newport Beach."

"I´m not going to have this conversation with you, Carrie. I´m off."

"Yeah, yeah…run away, just like you always do.", she spitted at him, swinging her glass so that half of the ice cubes landed on the marble floor with a crash.

"You´re drunk."

"Yes! Yes, you´re right, Neil…I am drunk. But if I were you I wouldn´t judge….Did you know that Kirsten Cohen was in rehab all summer?", Carrie smiled at him triumphantly and tried to take another sip of her drink, looking completely confused and dumbfounded as she recognized she was already out.

"Yes, I knew that! Summer told me. So when? It´s not that big deal. At least half of Newport were in rehab at least once….And at least she got help, before her drug addiction could ruin her family!", Neil replied, getting caught in that odd conversation.

"Summer, Summer, Summer, Summer, Summer, Summer,…", she mumbled through his last few sentences, not paying attention in the least. "You know that you´re little darling fucks that Cohen geek? I heard them….uhhhhhhh….", she singsonged the last part, making waving motions with her arms.

"Okay, that´s it! I´m out of here!...Merry Christmas!"

And with this he stormed out of the room, slamming the front door shut behind him, before her slurred 'Merry Christmas to you, too' could reach his ears.

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It was 09:00 PM on Christmas eve and everyone sat around the huge plasma TV in the Cohen´s living room, watching 'The Christmas Carol'.

Dinner had went more than great and Kirsten had outdone herself with the meal, leaving Sophie Cohen speechless for a moment, something that hadn´t happened in a long time.

Everyone had had a great time ; Summer had recovered from her little breakdown before, much to the relief of Seth and her Dad, although Seth still had no clue of what had happened. Neil and Julie had discovered some common interests, leaving the Nana almost disgusted and with a rage blackout, which she had let out on the non-stop complaining Caitlin and told her to shut up, what she had done, much to the satisfaction of all the others.

Right now Kirsten and Sandy sat next to each other on one of the huge sofas, Caitlin, Neil and Julie on the other and the Nana in the gigantic armchair, that usually stood in Sandy´s office.

Ryan and Marissa sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa, holding hands, while Seth sat beside them with Summer sitting in between his legs, leaning against his chest.

"Hey, you okay?", Seth whispered tenderly in Summer´s ear, tightening his arms around her waist just a little bit.

She leaned closer into him and nodded slightly, tracing her fingertips over his hand up to the crook of his arm and back down to his hands again.

"I´m worried about you."

His hot breath on her ear and neck caused her to shiver and she took his hands that rested intertwined on her stomach, and crossed his arms over her, making him hold her tighter.

"I know.", she whispered so quietly that he almost missed it, never once taking her intense gaze off of the TV.

"Tell me what happened, Sum. Please!"

It wasn´t the curiosity that spoke out of him but the pure concern. He had never seen her like that afternoon before and it hurt and scared him to see her like this and it hurt that he didn´t seem able to help her, or at least that she didn´t thought he could. And he wanted to help her so badly.

Seth knew that she had issues ; he had seen a few of them, they had worked out some, but he knew that there were still some things that he hadn´t yet seen, that he didn´t know about and that she didn´t want to show…at least not yet.

"Not now! Okay?", she whispered softly after a while and this time it was him who nodded before he kissed her on the cheek and focused back on the movie, not realizing that they had been watched the whole time; and this time not only by one parent.

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Sophie Cohen sat in the huge comfy armchair in the guestroom, looking out onto the patio, that was just lighten up a little bit by the pool lights, giving the whole area a romantic but also scary look.

"Yeah?", a deep men´s voice answered the phone at the other end of the line.

"Hey, it´s me."

"Sophie…Thank God! I was worried about you…You wanted to call two hours ago."

"Yeah, I know….I´m sorry. How are you? Is everything okay?"

"Everything´s fine…Did you tell him yet?"

"Moses!", she sighed. "I can´t just throw that bomb at him! I need a little time…He-he needs to get used to this…slowly."

"He needs to get used to this? I´m his-…Okay, you´re right! What about the others, though?"

"I want to tell Sandy first, he´s the oldest. And Sarah and her family are still in Europe until February…so!"

"Okay. I´m just so exited and nervous and…"

"I know, honey. But it´ll be okay. I´m pretty tired though…I´ll call you tomorrow."

"Alright. Good night….Love you."

"Love you, too. Good night."

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"Hmmm…that was a pretty great Christmas Eve, don´t you think?", Kirsten asked as she snuggled into Sandy´s side.

"Mmmmm…"

"But the poor Summer…I´m really sorry for her. She looked so sad the whole evening…just like Neil. I´m wondering what´s going on with them…"

"Mmmmm…"

"But Seth was so mature and cute with how he handled the whole thing and how he is there for her….Especially since Marissa has her own problems now. It´s so sad that they´ve lost everything…And Julie, I really don´t know how she handles all this…with the money problems and the house…and Caitlin. God, this kid is awful….Sandy?...Sandy?...Are you even listening to me?"

Kirsten sat up in bed and just looked at her husband, who remained looking into space.

"Sandy!"

"Huh? What?", he asked confused, looking at her startled.

"You didn´t even listen…"

"Sorry, I just…something´s wrong with my mom…She was so…"

"…different? Kinda nice?", Kirsten finished his sentence questioningly as she laid back down on the bed.

"Yeah…The last time I saw her like this she had cancer. And the whole 'I´m to old for Miami and working again' thing really creeps me out!...What if…?"

"Everything´s gonna be fine, honey. She´ll tell you sooner or later.", she said, stroking his arm reassuringly.

"I just don´t know if I want to hear it, you know!"

"I know! But you can´t change it! You have to wait until she comes around and then you have to live with whatever it is."

"Yeah…"

"Go to sleep now."

"Mmmm…G´night."

"Good night, Sandy."

He gave her a quick peck on the lips before he switched off the light, staring into the darkness.

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Julie laid in the huge bed in the pool house, hearing Caitlin, who after a huge fight slept on the air mattress on the floor at the feet of the bed, softly snoring. And she knew that she was probably killing her in her dreams. The unnerving ticking of the clock made it impossible for her to find any sleep and all the thoughts and fears, that she had blocked out of her mind over the day, came floating back….And in the dark of the 'holy' Christmas night, she cried….

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Neil Roberts opened the huge and heavy door to his house, which was dark and cold and somehow always seemed desolate.

He took his jacket off on his way to the living room, throwing it on the couch that was currently not occupied by his pasted out wife, who still laid where he had left her a few hours ago, an empty bottle of vodka resting on the floor next to the sofa, still clung in her hand.

Pouring himself a drink, he let himself fall back into the cushions, closing his eyes…

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Some of the electric lights in the Christmas tree were on, bathing the area around it in a soft golden glow, while everything around them was dark.

From her position Summer could see the light up pool that reflected in the huge windows, making the patio look like a romantic movie set.

The four teenagers had decided to sleep in the den by the Christmas tree, since Caitlin and Julie had claimed ownership of the pool house for the night and the Nana slept in the only not stuffed guestroom.

They had made a huge comfy lawn of pillows, covers and blankets on the floor in front of the tree, that was already surrounded by tons of presents in all different sizes and forms, wrapped in gold, red and green paper with huge golden bows on it, and while Marissa and Ryan were already fast asleep with him spooning her from behind, Seth and Summer were still wide awake, facing each other in the dark, arms and legs entangled underneath the comforter, just enjoying each other´s company.

"I´m sorry about earlier…", Summer´s sleepy voice suddenly broke the silence.

"It´s okay…but I´m really worried about you. I know something has happened and you´re upset, but you somehow just don´t want to talk about it and I-…"

"I want to tell you…and I will. Just not now, okay!"

He looked her deep in the eyes, almost as if he was searching in her soul for his answers, before he kissed her nose tenderly, showing her it was okay.

"What did my Dad told you as he left?", she asked, suppressing a huge yawn.

"Oh, just that I should take care of you.", Seth replied chuckling at the memory of Neil Roberts´ words.

"Mhmmm…", she sighed as she snuggled closer to him, burying her face in his chest.

"Sleepy now?", he asked smiling down at her and tightening his arms around her just a little bit.

"Hmm…Merry Chrismukkah, Cohen."

"Merry Chrismukkah, Sum."

Seth kissed her forehead one last time before they both fell into a deep and content slumber.

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Thx for reading and hope you like it!

R&R

Ciao

Sarah

> alex aka babyf: This story will go further than just the whole Chrismukkah thingy...until their graduation actually. ;-)


	3. Chapter 2: Old Wounds

Thanks for the amazing reviews! It´s really awesome to see that you like my story! ;-)

Keep on reviewing...

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Chapter 2: Old Wounds

The warmth of his body produced through the thin fabric of his t-shirt and into her skin. She felt the light and steady rise and fall of his upper body with every breath he did take and could hear his soft and quiet snoring, which she found incredibly cute.

Summer didn't want to be awake, she wanted to be back in this amazing dream she had had, but although sometimes it worked, this morning wasn't one of these times…She was awake and there were no way of changing it. But that didn't mean that she had to get up, right! She could just lay here, eyes still closed, and listen to his breathing, enjoying his warm body against hers…Wait! What was that? A giggle? What the hell…?

Summer shot her eyes open and was greeted by a blinding flashlight of a camera and Marissa's shrieked "Good morning".

As her eyes had adjusted themselves to the bright sunlight coming through the windows, she saw the Cohen's, Marissa and Ryan standing around her and the still sleeping Seth, already dressed and ready to start the day and with huge grins on their faces.

Trying to sort out her still sleepy limbs, Summer recognized what was so funny. Her and Seth had obviously shifted in their sleep and now Seth laid flat on his stomach with her half atop of him, her head resting just beneath his shoulder blades and her hand cupping one side of his butt, which was clearly visible since she had all the covers around her.

Summer sat up abruptly, her face burning bright red, while the other four doubled over with laugher.

"Well, you looked pretty comfortable there, Sum.", Marissa choked out, before she fell against Ryan, both laughing as if they had gone insane.

"What time is it?", Summer asked, rubbing her eyes and trying to play it off.

"Almost 10, sweetie.", Kirsten answered smiling.

"Oh!"

"Yeah, we really didn't want to wake you two, but…"

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry we slept in."

"Oh, it's not a problem….And you two looked so adorable."

At this statement Ryan and Marissa, who had just recovered form their last laugh attack, fell back into hysterics almost instantly. And as Seth shifted in his sleep, obviously missing the warmth, and wiggled his ass at them a little in the progress Kirsten and Sandy, who had tried to remain a straight face, cracked up too, followed by Summer herself as she slapped his butt and Seth almost jumped two feet high in shock.

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Seth stepped out of his bathroom, just dressed in jeans and toweling his hair dry. Since Summer had taken forever to get ready, he just had had ten minutes to shower, shave and get dressed, and the shock of the cold water he had had to take his shower with, cause his beloved girlfriend had used all the warm, and the lack of coffee in his system weren't doing any good to his current mood. He was pissed off and didn't even know why…

Suddenly Summer's small hands sneaked around his waist from behind and rested intertwined on his stomach as she kissed his bare back just between his shoulder blades before she pressed her cheek against it.

And just like that he was calmed.

She could do this to him – make him shake in rage and anger, make him cry in pain and hurt, him wanting to shout his luck out loud from the rooftops, make him feel dizzy by all the emotions she aroused in him and she could calm him down like this.

He sighed, leaning into her touch…

"You okay? Feeling better?"

"I'm good.", Summer replied, making him turn around to face her, smiling widely at him. "I'm great actually."

"Oh, yeah? And how is that?", he smiled back at her, his hands finding their way under her black turtleneck, stroking the soft skin of her waist.

"Because I'm gonna get presents soon." Her dark eyes sparkled with anticipation, just like a little girl.

"Oh, you think?", Seth asked, teasing her.

"No! I know!"

"Yeah? Because I'm wondering, who might want to give you something as a present…"

"Well, I could think of one…" She threw the white long sleeve shirt at him, which had laid on his desk.

He had just put his head through the hole as her small hands found his waist again, this time to tickle him in the sides, causing him to jump in shock.

"Oh…you so gonna pay for this!"

Summer jumped away from him, squealing, until he caught her and tickled her everywhere he could reach – her neck, her stomach, sides…

She finally wiggled herself out of his strong grip, breathing heavily and laughing, as she chased out the door and down the stairs, followed by Seth, who chased her, his shirt still just dangling around his neck.

Reaching her at the bottom of the staircase, he tickled her sides one more time, causing her to cry out, before he pressed his lips against hers, pinning her between the wall and his body.

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The whole Cohen family plus the Cooper's and Summer sat around the huge Christmas tree in the den ; the floor covered with still wrapped presents, some stuff they had already got and the discarded wrapping paper.

Marissa was just admiring the new CDs Ryan had got her and Kirsten aww´-ed over the leather album with photos of her and Sandy, which he had made her. Caitlin was pouting over the Fendi purse that she had wanted but hadn't got and the Nana was lost in the reference guide of her new cell phone.

Seth grabbed the small golden package from underneath the tree and handed it to Summer as he sat back down behind her on the floor, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

He was a wreck…Nervous like hell and his heart raced in his chest as he felt his palms getting sweaty.

Seth had tried to give Summer something special, something that showed her how much she meant to him…and out had come this. He had thought it was amazing and the prefect present but all of the sudden he wasn't so sure anymore. It would be too much. She wouldn't like it. God, what if she would get scared and broke up with him?...

He tried to swallow the big lump in his throat as she opened the small blue box, revealing his present.

His world stopped for a moment. Everyone around them somehow disappeared and everything was silent and went in slow motion. ..

She didn't say anything; he just felt her take in a huge breath of air before a tiny sob escaped her lips.

God, he wanted to die right now. Sending a quick prayer to heaven, he wished for a huge dark hole appearing right there in the den, where he could jump in.

She hated it! She was crying and she hated it!...

The sudden feel of her soft full lips on his own yanked him out of his neurotic haze and he opened his eyes just to look directly in her's, teary and full of affection with a huge smile playing around her lips.

"You-you like it?" His voice was raspy and uneven, an obvious sign that he was scared out of his mind.

"I love it! Its amazing!", she stated, kissing him again. "Thank you, Cohen."

He returned the smile before he looked at the tiny silver heart in her palm, hooked onto a thin silver chain, with the words You're undeniable´ engraved on the front and Love forever, Cohen´ on the backside.

Taking it out of her hand, he unclasped the hook and laid it around her neck, closing it again.

Summer smiled down at it, fingering the tiny heart, before she turned her head to face him, kissing him again.

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Summer couldn't get the huge smile off of her face since Seth had given her the necklace, and every now and then she even caught herself fingering the tiny heart absently.

It was wonderful, amazing, awesome…She couldn't even describe the feelings she had felt when she first had laid eyes on it. And still she was overwhelmed…It was the most perfect Christmas present she had ever got and more, and Summer knew she'd admire and worship it until the end of her days.

Hopping out of the Range Rover, she smiled up at him, took his hand and led him up the steps to her front door and into the house.

"Dad! I'm home! Merry Christmas!", she called out once they were inside.

"God, Sum…", Seth said, his face crunched. "I know you can scream…but wow!"

He earned himself a slap from her with this comment and a threatening glare, which soon turned into a smile, her fingers going to the tiny heart, resting against her collarbone.

"Dad?", Summer shout out again, but still got no answer.

"Dad? I'm home!"

Her eyes found the tiny note that laid on the table in the hall, saying:

_Hey, sweetie_

_I just have some stuff to do!_

_See you tonight_

_Merry Christmas_

_Love, Dad_

Hot tears brimmed behind her eyes, making everything look blurry and she blinked, causing one single tear to spill and fall down onto the small piece of paper. Feeling Seth steeping closer to her and his hot breath on her neck, the second tear fell, followed by the tiniest sob and before Seth could even reach out to touch her, she ran past him up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door shut behind her.

Seth watched her leave, hearing a loud slam of the door and instantly reached for the note, which now laid on the marble floor.

Summer was huddled up in the middle of her bed, knees up to her chest as she held the tiny plastic pony in her hand. She couldn't believe that he would do that to her. Not after everything they've been through and especially since their talk the other morning. She knew her dad worked a lot and that he was good at it and it made her proud. And she also knew that there were times in which he failed her and buried himself in work just to be alone, to think, to sort things out and in the last time mostly to evade Carrie, and she understood, although it did hurt sometimes. But her dad had always been there when she had needed him and had promised to always be. And now he had broken this promise, too. Her dad left her alone and out of all days he had chosen this one, and that hurt more than anything else had in a long time.

She heard the door open and shut again before the mattress shifted a little bit and she felt Seth´ body behind her, spooning her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and she leaned into him as he let her cry.

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Marissa and Ryan had just arrived at the Roberts´ mansion. They had brought Caitlin and Julie home and were now about to get Marissa's stuff, which were still at Summer's.

"I can't believe I brought you that CD.", Ryan stated once they were in the hall and Marissa still summed quietly to the song they had just heard.

"You don't like them?", she asked teasingly, raising her eyebrows at him.

"I like Journey.", he replied with Marissa mimicking him.

"Funny."

"Yeah, you got yourself a funny one. So watch it, Atwood.", she said, trying to sound threatening, but failed miserably as a light giggle escaped her mouth.

"So, you have already packed, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry."

"Do you think we should knock?", Marissa asked as they reached Summer's closed bedroom door.

"Nope.", Ryan answered, pushing he handle down and the door open.

Seth turned his head to look at them, before he gave the sleeping Summer a tender kiss on the temple and got up from his position on the bed.

"What's up?", Marissa asked with slight concern at the sight if her best friend, laying curled up on her bed, sleeping.

"Ah…nothing! We've just dozen off, somehow.", Seth replied. They didn't need to know that he had laid with Summer while she had cried, stroking her arms and stomach, or that he had started to freak out as she had dozen off, thinking about what really was going on. Two breakdowns within 24 hours were too much for him especially when it was Summer and he couldn't help her, cause she didn't want to tell him anything.

"Oh!", Marissa simply stated before she handed Ryan her two large suitcases, Seth the smaller one and her backpack and followed them down to her mother's car with two bags herself.

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"You what?", Sandy screamed, looking at his mother in shock.

"I said, I-…"

"I heard you, mom! God, haven't you learned anything from that Bobbie guy? You had to move in with…with…"

"Ephraim. His name is Ephraim, Sandy. And we know each other for a very long time now…He spent his vacation in Miami and we got to know each other and as I went to New York he offered me his guest room, since I just wanted to stay for a few days…and…."

"God, mom! Do you even listen to yourself?", Sandy cut her off in rage. "You're giving up everything and move back to New York, go to work and start an affair!"

"Oh, Sanford, watch you mouth! Give up what? An apartment in a retirement home in Miami, where the weather is just hot and sticky and people just live to either party or die? Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate what you have done and the doctors in Florida really helped me…but I'm not ready to live such a life yet. I'm not ready to just sit around and wait for me to die. I'm happy, Sandy. Really happy. And I won't give it up just because of you, Sophie Cohen yelled back before she stormed out of the kitchen.

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Seth walked back into Summer's room, just to find the bed empty. He heard water running and so he sat down at the edge of her bed, facing the bathroom door, waiting for her to come out.

It was now or never.

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Marissa swung the door to her new room open, packed with bags, just to reveal a completely pissed off looking Caitlin, laying on their king sized bed, reading Cosmo. Her stuff was everywhere and since she didn't make any attempt to get up and put it away, Marissa kicked some of her sister's stacks of collected Cosmos, clothes and make up out of her way to make room for the heavy suitcases.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?", Caitlin cried out standing up on the bed and looking down at the mess.

"I'm claiming a tiny part of this room my own!", Marisa hissed back, smiling evilly as she let one suitcase fall directly onto one of Caitlin's high heels.

"Oopsy!", she said to her little sis, who's eyes almost bulged out.

"What the hell are you doing?", she yelled, shooting daggers at Marissa.

"Look, Cait…you're my little sister and I love you! But I can be a worser bitch than you if I have to! So watch it!", she replied, smiling threatening at Caitlin, never once breaking the gaze into her eyes until Cait swallowed and sat back down on the bed.

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Summer looked at her face in the mirror…Despite the cold water her eyes were still puffy and her whole face red and swollen. This so wasn't how it was supposed to be…

Taking one deep breath, she opened the door, knowing it was now or never.

They locked eyes instantly as Summer stepped back into her room and Seth walked up to her, cupping one cheek in his palm with her leaning into his touch.

"So, you gonna tell me now?", he more stated than asked, his voice soft and quiet, and Summer just nodded, took his hand and led him back to the bed, where they sat down next to each other, still holding hands.

Summer took a deep breath and closed her eyes, just to enjoy the feeling of his thumb running gently over the knuckles of her hand for a moment.

"Okay.", she sighed, looking up into his hazel eyes. "What I'm going to tell you now, I never told anybody before. Not even Marissa…but I want you to know, okay! And maybe you think it's stupid or that I'm making a huge deal out of nothing, but this is a really huge part of me. A part of me that I really don't like and certainly am not proud of, but maybe it'll explain some things and…" The smile on his face was contagious, although she knew that he understood what for a big deal this was for her and how important.

"I'm rambling!", she stated smiling and he nodded before he placed a quick but yet intense kiss on her lips.

"I was 13 when my parents got divorced! But they have fought for such a long time before that…I don't even know when it all started. Well, however…I always was a momma's girl. Just from the beginning. We were used to do everything together and I could talk to her about everything. But suddenly around my 12th birthday this stopped. She spent more and more time out of the house and her time for me got even more rare with every passing month. I was a little sad back then from time to time, but I didn't really get the importance of this all. I just spent more time with Marissa, Holly, Luke and the others instead and it was okay, until they started to fight. First these fights were occasional, but soon they grew to a daily program. Almost every time I came back from school or Marissa's I heard them fight and later they even started fights right in front of me, about the stupiest things.", Summer stopped for a moment and Seth reached out to wipe away the tears that had formed at the corners of her eyes, before she went on.

"Well, one day in September they told me they would get divorced. I was shocked and confused…but somehow I think I saw it coming. They told me that my mom had a new boyfriend and that they would move to the East Coast and asked if I wanted to go with them or rather stay with my dad. And I guess that was what hurt so much, that they wanted me to choose between them. I didn't come out of my room for three days and I cried almost the whole time until one night I went down into the living room and told them I would stay with my dad. I didn't want to leave Newport. My friends were here, I went to school here, it was my home after all and besides, I didn't even knew my mom's boyfriend back then. They both looked shocked, though, and my mom cried, a lot. And the next day she moved out."

Seth still looked at her, giving her the one special look that she couldn't read or interpret, but the small smile he gave her was everything she need to go on.

"I remember, from this moment on everything went fine again. Me and my dad got really close and I visited my mom and Bill almost everyday…and even my mom and dad started to get closer again.", Summer wiped away the tears that has started to fall and she felt Seth hand tighten around hers, urging her to go on but comforting her at the same time.

"Well, we all spent Christmas together and my mom stayed with me. She slept in my bed that night and told me stories about her and dad and how they had fallen in love and about me being a baby…And she…she told me that she loved me and would always be there for me and I were her little muffin…", she let out a small sad laugh which was immediately followed by ragging sobs as she let herself fall against Seth chest, his arms going around her, rubbing small circles on her back to comfort her and to calm her down.

"But when I woke up the next morning she was gone!" She pushed back a little, trying to look at him as she tried to wipe away the tears that streamed down her face freely.

"She just freaking left, Seth. I searched for her in the whole house, tried to call her…I even went to their stupid apartment…but she was gone. Just gone….And I just miss her so much!", she muffled the last part against his skin as she fell back against him and buried her face in the crook of his neck while he pressed her sobbing body to his, letting her cry the tears that probably would never dry down completely.

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Hope you like it... 

Thx

Sarah

Next Chapter: Marissa's gonna make a fatal mistake...

-> Somebody's Dark Angel´: I just used an´ instead of an ' cause this way it gets a little faster to write, but I appreciate your little critic ;-) and changed it. Hope that now, it's a little easier to read...


	4. Chapter 3: The Kiss

AN: Thanks for the nice reviews guys! It's really great...

And I'm sorry that I didn't update before, but my freaking Computer deleted everything...:-((

Well, however..here it is. Hope you like it and please R&R...

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Chapter 3: The Kiss

Seth laid on Summer's bed, surrounded by the dim glow of the setting sun coming through the windows, and Summer's body half atop of his. He didn't know for how long they laid there like that…she had told him about her mom and her sudden departure and about the upcoming divorce, which apparently brought all the bad memories back out to the front…and he had listened, savoring every second/detail of her opening up to him. And now they were here and he listened to her steady breathing, felt her heartbeat against his own and drew small circles on her back, trying to just be there for her and maybe even find a way to make the pain go away eventually.

As the sun had completely set down, she raised her head from his chest, looking up to him, smiling, and with so many emotions mirroring in her eyes, which just looked like dark liquid holes in the dark, that he thought he fell even more in love with her right this moment.

She crawled further up until she placed a lingering kiss on his lips…

"I'm glad I told you.", she whispered against them, looking him in the eyes like nobody ever had before and like he was sure nobody ever would again.

"Me too."

Smiling back at her, he leaned in for another kiss, wrapping his arms around her as she almost immediately deepened it.

"I love you!", she stated quietly once they broke the kiss, getting lost in his eyes.

"I love you, too, Sum!", he replied just as sincerely and out of the blue she started to giggle and brought her still smiling lips back to his.

And just like that the passionate, funny, smart Summer with the witty comebacks was back.

"Let's do something.", she suggested happily, wrenching her mouth from his, smiling seductively at him.

"What do you wanna do?", Seth asked completely clueless until she kissed him again, passionately, rolling them over so that he was atop of her.

"Hmm, I like that plan…"

Summer moaned into the kiss as Seth's hand ran gently and slow from her neck, down her just bra covered chest to her bare stomach, caressing her soft skin.

They were making out for a while now and at least since both of their shirts had found their way to the floor, all thoughts about moms and abandonment were completely forgotten…

Another moan escaped her mouth and just right that second Seth's cell phone started to ring in his back pocket, the unnerving sound of Rock 'n' Roll Queen´ filling the room…

"Ignore it!", she sighed against his lips as she ran her hand up his bare back into his unruly hair, playing with the soft curls.

"Fuck!", Seth called out annoyed as his cell rang for the third time in a row.

"Apparently not!", Summer said frustrated as she let her arms fall back onto the bed, pouting.

Whoever this was would so get it´, he thought as he tried to get the phone out of his jeans to answer it.

"WHAT!...Ryan man, right now-….Oh….But-….I-….yeah! Hold on!"

Seth held the phone to his chest so that Ryan couldn't hear him.

"They want to meet at the Diner!", he mumbled against Summer's neck, before he lightly nibbled at the soft skin.

"Yeah, let's go."

Seth looked at her unbelievingly.

"…But not before another hour.", she smiled, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"Hour!", he mumbled into the phone before he threw it onto the floor and bent his head down to kiss her again.

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Seth and Summer arrived at the Crab Shack exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes after Ryan's call and let themselves fall into the booth, which was currently occupied by their friends, who were already halfway through their food.

"Took you some time.", Marissa stated knowingly as she sipped at her milkshake, grinning at her best friends

Summer and Seth smiled at each other. Well, actually they had been at the Diner for at least 20 minutes already, in the parking lot to be more specific. But somehow they must have lost track of time…

"Oh, you know…we were stuck in-…", Seth said chuckling.

"…making out."

"…traffic." , they both said in union, causing the other two to laugh.

"Yeah, what she said.", Seth admitted, wiping the last rest of Summer's strawberry lip gloss from his lips before he intertwined his fingers with hers underneath the table.

"Exactly…you totally ruined our afterglow!", Summer stated smiling, as if it was the most normal thing to say in front of your friends.

"I really don't need to know that!", Ryan spoke up for the first time, with a pained expression on his face.

"Hey…what are you doing?", Marissa cried out grinning as Summer stole some chili fries from her plate.

"I'm starving!"

Everyone laughed at her statement and Seth pulled her even closer to him, placing a tender kiss on her temple.

"OMG…I'm stuffed!", Seth stated as he pushed his just emptied plate away from him and leaned back, rubbing his tummy.

"Yeah, me too.", Summer sighed copying his gesture. "And I have to pee! Coop, coming with me?"

"Sure."

"I don't get it…Why do girls always have to go peeing together?", Seth asked curiously, looking at Ryan in expectation, but he just shrugged.

"Because we spend the time talking trash about our lame ass boyfriends.", Summer replied grinning, patting his unruly mob of curls before the girls headed off to the restrooms.

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"Hey, Sum…I kinda wanted to talk to you..", Marissa said as she stepped next to Summer, washing her hands.

"Sure, what is it?"

"I just wanted to know if anything's alright? You seemed upset yesterday and when Ryan and I stopped by earlier-…I dunno."

Summer glanced quickly at her best friend before she looked back into the large mirror, checking her appearance.

"Oh, you know…the usual stuff with the stepmonster…But it's fine."

"You sure?", Marissa asked with slight concern in her voice.

"Yeah...of course. I mean, I would tell you if it was otherwise, right!", she replied, slapping herself mentally for lying to her.

"Well, okay…Just wanted to make sure."

The girls smiled at each other before they both went back to fixing their hair.

"Hey, I thought maybe we could do something later…watch a movie or so.", Summer suggested.

"I can't…I'm sorry!"

"Why? You and Ryan already have plans, hu?", she asked mischievously, nudging her in the ribs.

"No, actually…I'm gonna head over to Johnny's…giving him his present, you know.", she answered, fixing her ponytail, not recognizing Summer's dumbfounded expression.

"You got him something?"

"Yeah! You won't guess what…It's awesome! A PS2 and a surf game.", Marissa said happily, looking at her best friend full of excitement.

"You- you what?", Summer asked unbelievingly.

Did she just heard right? A PS2 plus game? The girl, who always complained about her lack of money lately, the one who currently lived in a trailer, who got her boyfriend a pair of too small wife beaters and a shirt Ryan wouldn't wear if he was threaten with death for Christmas, got a complete random guy a playstation!

"Isn't that cool?", Marissa more stated than asked as she opened the door.

"Yeah, very cool, Coop.", Summer answered, following her back to their booth.

000000000000000000000000000000000

Summer cuddled into Seth's side as she sat back down next to him, giving him a meaningful look and nodded into the direction of their friends.

"Hey, you know what time it is?", Marissa asked as she sat back down.

"7:00 PM. Why?"

"Shit! Already?"

"Yeah…What's wrong?", Ryan asked, laying an arm around her shoulders.

"I promised Johnny to stop by.", she explained.

Ryan looked at her confused and Seth raised his eyebrows as he shared a quick glance with Summer.

"What? Why? I thought, we would do something together."

"Yeah, sorry…But I promised him, you know. And I have to give him his present anyways."

"You got him something?", Ryan asked as if he had just witnessed the landing of an UFO.

Summer looked up from her lap as Seth nudged her in the ribs, looking at her questioningly, but she just shrugged.

"Yeah, sure!...You can come if you want and we can give it to him together…Johnny's so gonna flip when he sees the playstation."

Both boys' eyes almost bulged out while Summer just shook her head.

"You got him a playstation?", Ryan asked shocked.

"Yeah…Isn't that cool?", Marissa said happily, not getting the absurdity of the situation in the least.

"I don't believe this!", Ryan stated more to himself, shaking his head.

"So, you gonna come with or shall I give you a ride?", she asked, already grabbing her purse.

Ryan just stared at her before he let out a small laugh.

"No, thanks! I'm gonna take the bus!", he said angrily, throwing some dollars onto the table.

"Say Johnny Merry Christmas´ from me.", he spitted at her and stormed out of the Diner.

"What the hell was that?", Marissa asked confused, looking at her friends, who still just looked shocked by what had just happened.

"I dunno.", Summer lied. "Why don't you just go after him and ask him himself?"

"No…If he wants to be an ass, please…See ya." And with that she left too, leaving Seth and Summer totally dumbfounded behind.

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"Marissa?", Johnny asked a little bewildered by her sudden visit as he opened the door.

"Hey, Johnny…Merry Christmas.", she greeted him, placing the lightest kiss on his cheek.

"Merry Christmas!", he said, his voice merely above a whisper as his palms started to sweat.

"I didn't know you were coming.", he stated nervously as he let her into the house and she followed him into the kitchen. "You want something?"

"Yeah, thanks."

She watched him pouring some coke in two glasses, handing one over to her.

"Thanks…Actually I came here to wish you a Merry Christmas, what I already did, and to give you…this.", she said smiling, handing him the in dark green paper wrapped present.

"Wow…I-…wow…I don't know what to say. Thank you!", he stammered as he took it from her, looking deep into her sparkling blue eyes.

"You're welcome.", she stated happily, looking at him just as intensely.

"I didn't-…I don't…If-….", he chocked out chuckling. "I didn't know you would do this! I-…"

"Oh.", Marissa stated a little sad as realization hit her. "Hey, that's not a problem. I really wanted to do this, though."

They smiled at each other again, getting lost in the other's eyes.

"So, what is it?", he asked, smirking at her.

"Open it and you'll see."

Marissa followed Johnny into the living room and sat down beside him on the couch, eyeing the small room, which yet was bigger than her own new living room and looked a lot nicer. The windows were covered with Christmas ornaments and the small tree, which they had bought for them, was lighten up and decorated with red and golden Christmas baubles.

"Wow.", was Johnny's only comment as he revealed the carton of the PS2, switching his eyes back and forth between Marissa and his lap.

"You like it?", she asked hopefully, smiling shyly at him with big eyes.

"I-…It's awesome!...But I can't take it!", he replied, shaking his head and handing it back to her.

"Yes, you can. I won't take a no´ as an answer."

The smile on her face was contagious and Johnny couldn't but lean in to give her a quick peck on the cheek, whispering a husky Thank you´.

"Shall I help you to inst-…"

And just like that Johnny's lips were on hers, soft and warm and exploring.

Drawing away a little she looked into his eyes, before her gaze wandered down to his lips and she leaned in to kiss him again.

Johnny didn't spend one second before he responded eagerly, both falling back onto the couch.

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Sophie Cohen listened to the beeping of the phone as she waited for Ephraim to pick up.

"Cohen residence.", he finally said, answering the phone.

"Hey, it's me."

"Sophie…how are you?"

"I'm great. And you? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah…did you tell him yet?"

"Ephraim, I already told you that it's not so easy. He already flipped as I told him about our relationship in general.", she explained, biting at her nails nervously.

"So you don't want to tell him at all?", his voice was full of hurt and also annoyance and she closed her eyes, trying to sort her thoughts.

"No, I do want to tell him! But maybe it just won't be such a good idea to do it right now."

"So when? When do you want to tell him then?"

"I don't know…maybe next year.", she suggested hopefully.

"Oh, next year…when next year? On new years or next Hannukah?"

"Please, Ephraim. You have to understand that-…"

"No! He needs to know. And I want him to know. I thought we talked about this. It was the main reason you even went there in the first place…So either you gonna tell him or I'll have to do it myself." His voice was harsh, but Sophie knew that he was just hurt and desperate…

"I'm going to do it, okay!"

"Okay.", he replied relieved "I love you."

"Yeah, me too. Bye."

"Bye!"

Sophie pushed the button to end the connection and rested her head in her hands.

How could she do this?...

000000000000000000000000000000000

Kirsten had a blanket draped around her as she sat outside on the patio on one of the huge couches and looked over the whole lightened up bay area and the dark ocean, holding the Christmas ornament she had made with her mom all those years ago.

The air was a little chilly, especially for Southern California even if it was the end of December and she shivered a little, pulling the blanket tighter around her.

"Hey.", Sandy's soft voice said as he sat down beside her, wrapping his arms around her. "Everything okay?"

"She didn't answer though; she just looked down at the tiny angel in her hands, stroking it's wooden wings.

"I just miss them so much."

"I know."

They sat in silence for a while, both looking over the dark Pacific Ocean, trying to make out the line on the horizon, where sky and ocean met.

"She told you, right!", Kirsten's quiet voice suddenly filled the content silence around them.

"Hmm?"

"The Nana, she told you, right?"

She watched how his huge dark eyebrows knitted together.

"Yeah. She has an…affair. But she thinks it's something serious…they live together in New York…She says she is happy." The disapproval was evident in his voice.

"Maybe she is."

Sandy's head shot into her direction and he looked at her as if she had gone crazy.

"Your mom isn't that kind of a person, who just sits around, Sandy. She's a strong and intelligent woman; she needs people around her, she needs the adventure, her freedom…"

"I know that. It's just…I don't want her to get hurt."

"She's a big girl, Sandy.", Kirsten replied, smirking at his concern and overprotection.

"When my dad left…she took it really hard. She did everything for us and tried her best to handle the whole situation as best as she could alone with 5 kids. And the first men she let close after all this time was this Bobby guy and you know how well this worked out…and now that man-…"

"Maybe she's just afraid to be alone."

"She isn't alone. She has a huge family."

She gave him a meaningful look "You know what I mean."

"Yeah.", he sighed and put his arms closer around Kirsten.

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Seth entered the pool house without knocking just right after he had evaded a further conversation with his parents, who sat cuddled together on the patio couches.

"Hey.", he greeted Ryan, who sat at the feet of his bed and pushed roughly onto the buttons on his PS2-controller, killing the ninjas in record time.

"Hello? Earth to Ryan…", he said as he sat down in the armchair in the corner of the room, waiting for any sign of acknowledging his presence by his brother.

It took 10 minutes and many desperate tries to start a conversation until a huge Game Over´ appeared on the screen and Ryan threw the controller across the room, finally looking at Seth.

Seth waited patiently – well no, not patiently but at least silent – for Ryan to say something…

"I can't believe her!", he hissed suddenly, getting up from his place on the floor and started to walk up and down the small area from his kitchen corner to the other side, where Seth sat.

Seth waited another few minutes, watching Ryan pacing back and forth, until he gave up…

"Come on man…Talk to me!"

"It's just-…Argh!", Ryan sighed, starting to pick up speed.

"Yeah, that was a pretty good start. Next step, full sentences."

Ryan shot him a meaningful glare before he let himself fall backwards onto his bed.

"She just can't get enough of this guy somehow. Whatever I say or do, it's always Johnny Johnny Johnny…I really tried to be friends with him, but-…It's just like it was with Oliver."

"Come on, Johnny is not crazy."

Remembering the incident at the Bar Mitz-Vah Ryan wasn't so sure about that, so he just shrugged.

"Oh…Well, at least he's not obsessed with Marissa.", Seth tried.

"It's not him! It's her! There's always someone else.", Ryan said in frustration, bringing his hands up to his face.

"You know she loves you…She freaking shot Trey to save your life."

Ryan shot him another meaningful look at this statement before he looked away, his eyes getting softer..

"I don't know if that means that she loves me, though!", he said in a silent and slight hurt voice, earning himself just a confused look this time.

"She would have done it for you, too, Seth. Or for Summer or for any stranger in that situation. It does mean that she cares, cares for me or for any other human being in that situation. That was just a normal reaction…It doesn't mean that she loves me."

Seth didn't know what he was supposed to answer to that. Ryan was right though and he knew it. And although he was pretty much convinced that Marissa loved him, he didn't know what he would do in a situation like this, when his girlfriend would always hang around with other guys, who have a crush on her.

"And you know what is the worst thing?", Ryan's silent voice brought him out of his thoughts. "When Trey was in coma I though a lot about my and Marissa's relationship and I knew that when Trey wouldn't make it, I couldn't be with her any longer."

Seth looked at his brother understanding and shocked at the same time.

"I even prepared myself for that situation, because I was sure that he would die. And when he didn't I just went with it…I don't-…"

"What are you saying? That YOU don't love HER anymore?"

Seth looked at his brother intensely and he held his gaze until he let himself fall back onto the bad again…

"I don't know…I don't know anymore!

000000000000000000000000000000000

Summer sat in the sand, knees up to her chest and Seth's sweater wrapped tightly around her. The small stretch of beach right under her house was deserted and the dark silence and the cold wind sent shivers up and down her spine.

The huge waves crushed against the shore, looking even more frightening in the dark with just the simple glow of the moon than by day.

Summer's gaze wandered to the beach houses, which she could make out in the distance, knowing one of them was the one which had belonged to Holly's parents before they had moved away and a quick flashback of all the parties and fateful events that had taken place right there came rushing back into her mind. And somehow all this memories weren't so appealing anymore.

Another breath of cold salty air swirled around her and she looked at her cold numb fingers that were playing with the tiny heart on her necklace.

She remembered the first time she had sat right at this place five years ago. She had cried so badly and it had taken her dad almost two hours to finally found her. And since then whenever something bad happened in her life like a bad fight with her dad or Marissa she came down here and sat in the sand, just letting the dark and silence comforting her soul.

She remembered the summer when Seth left, she had spent almost every night out her, just looking out onto the ocean crying. Or the first few Christmases when she had sat here and somehow wished her mom would just come back…

Summer slapped her butt sandfree as she got up and made her way up the little path to her house.

She opened the front door quietly and she blinked to make out something in the dark hallway. The large Christmas tree was lightening up the huge patio area and a slow melody came out of the direction of the living room and Summer followed it until she stood in the door way and looked at the back of her dad's head, who sat on one of the huge comfy sofas, looking out onto the patio and the tree which had tons of presents under it.

She didn't say anything; she just sat down next to her dad and snuggled into his side, smiling back at him as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead before both pairs of eyes wandered back to their laps, looking at the heavy photo album and getting lost in long forgotten memories.

* * *

Thx for reading it... 

You know what to do now...;-)

Bye, Sarah


	5. Chapter 4: An Old Friend Returns

Hi guys...

I know this update took like forever and I'm very very sorry about this :( ...I so hate it myself when people don't update their FFs regulary...So, I'm sorry! ;)

But like some of you already know, I suffered by a gigantic - overdimensional writing blockade the last few weeks and whenever I started to write again nothing usable came out of it. Believe me...that wasn't pretty ;)

But now I've got my 'flow' back and I wrote this chap in within just like 4 days...and somehow I'm very proud with the outcome of this, although it's not that good... :huh: ;)

So, I just hope you like it and read and review... : ;)

Oh, by the way...this chap is the longest I ever wrote until now...9.847 words :D

And special thanks to my 'coach' Steff...Lova ya, schnuggi

* * *

Chapter 4: An Old Friend Returns

"Suuuummmmmmer?...Suuuuummmmmmer?...Summmm?...Sum, come on!", Seth whined as he followed his girlfriend through South Coast Plaza at 10:30 AM on a holiday day.

"Quit it, Cohen.", she replied unnerved.

They were at the mall for not even half an hour and Seth's whining for the last 15 minutes of that had caused her mood to drop even more…

"But Summer…why are we even here?", he pouted, gesturing with his hands for emphasis.

"Because I need a new dress for the New Years party."

"Yeah, because you really have nothing to wear."

Summer shot him a meaningful look and stormed ahead, leaving him behind for a moment, still pouting, before he took of to catch up with her.

"Hey, come on…What's wrong?", he asked once he reached her side and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

She tried to wiggle out of his embrace but gave up after a while

"It's nothing!" Now it was him who gave her a meaningful look. "I guess, I'm just a little moody right now. And your non-stop-complaining sure isn't helping."

"I'm sorry, okay! But-…I dunno. I kinda feel out of place here!", he said and gave a nod into the direction of a 'Victoria's Secret' store…"But when I think about it….Ouw! What was that for?"

"You're unbelievable, you know.", she said trying to give him a threatening glare, which almost immediately turned into a smile as she drew him a little closer to her.

"Oh, you know you love it, Seth stated teasingly and kissed her tiny nose. "But you in this red transparent thingy….wow!" He got a dear in the headlights look and his dimples appeared on full affect.

"Hmm…who knows. I just heard that a one year anniversary is a very special date, you know."

Seth stooped dead in his tracks and watched her swinging hips as she walked slowly away from him, backwards, facing him the whole time and giving him this amazing smile, that was just reserved for him.

"You coming?", she asked teasingly as she turned around and picked up pace.

Seth took one last quick glance at his new best friend, how he called the red lacy negligee in the window, before he shook his head and sped after her.

Two hours, 20 stores and 500 of Seth's quick prayers to heaven that the mall would just burn down later, Summer had finally found a dress for the party…and some tees, two jeans, three skirts, two purses, two new pairs of shoes and a new lip gloss, which of course she couldn't live without.

"Are you done now?", Seth asked completely drained out and just the tiniest bit hopeful.

"For the moment!... I'm starving!", she stated and wiggled her nose to the smell of pizza that came from the nearby pizza hut.

"Well, you're not the one carrying the bags, so…", he said under his breath.

"I heard that.", she said as she made a beeline for the nearest free booth.

"So, what do you think about it?", Summer asked Seth, who just returned to the table with two huge slices of pizza and two cans of 7up, as she hold the dress up a little, so that the upper half was visible and blocked his view on her and the other half was still in the pink bag.

"Ummm…I duomno…I thumk sasss rellla mob…", Seth mumbled, chewing on the half of his slice of pizza at the time, trying not to suffocate by it.

"Well, you really are a big help."

Seth made another attempt to talk with full mouth, but decided against it as Summer shot him a threatening glare across the table.

Washing it down with some 7up, he took one large breathe, trying to bring the amount of oxygen in his body back to normal.

"Okay, what am I supposed to say, Sum? It's hot! I love it and you look just stunning in it, although I might not give the most objective opinion here, seeing that I'm sleeping with you… another glare I mean, if it's so important that it has to 'say' something special, why didn't you take Marissa with you? I'm just a guy…", he whined, giving her his best puppy dog eyes and a full pout.

"Well, I guess you're right, according to your just non existent taste in clothes!", she answered, grinning at him "And believe me if I say that I would have rather taken Marissa with me, although I'm questioning her choice in clothes lately too, but-…well, that's not the point. She dumped me! Okay? Probably another huge Johnny crisis…", her eyes darted back to the table top, kind of ashamed and of course pissed off that her best friend had dumped her or just that she let it get to her so much, and took another bite from her pizza, which already had gotten a little cold.

Seth looked at her questioningly. Summer had appeared in his room this morning at 9:00 with this seductive sparkling in her eyes and had dragged him out of the bed, promising him to do something special, which had ended…well, here…

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that Coop was supposed to pick me up and come with me since we both wanted to get new dresses, you know, spend some time together…but she dumped me, okay.", Summer answered in a much more bitchy voice than she had intended.

"Oh, and here I thought you just wanted to spend some time with your awesome boyfriend."

Summer just shrugged at Seth sarcasm. It wasn't that it was all terrible that she had to go with Seth…she kind of even liked it, although he really wasn't any help at all. It was more the thing with Marissa that bothered her. Ever since she went to Newport Union she had gotten lost more and more in the whole Johnny spiral, spending less and less time with her actual friends and of course her.

And now that she was moving in with her mom again, Summer was just a little freaked out that she might lose Marissa as her best friend…and of course she was pissed. Nobody dumped Summer Roberts…

"Aww…I do, sweetie.", she said in mocked voice, smiling at him sympathetically. "It's just that it bothers me that she dumped me for Johnny…again. I mean, she didn't even call. Duh…"

"Yeah, she seems kinda out of it lately…more than usual."

Seth and Summer shared a knowing smile.

"I mean, what the hell was that thing at the Diner last night?"

"I dunno. I really thought Ryan would freak out or something.", Summer stated truthfully, swallowing the last bite of her pizza.

Seth looked at her. Should he tell her what Ryan had entrust him with? Well, Ryan had told him in a brotherly hour of honesty but yet, he hadn't really made Seth promise to keep it a secret…

"Yeah, about that…."

000000000000000000000000000000000

Summer stood in front of her huge body height mirror in her room, holding her new dress against her.

It was lime green and although it had quite a nice cleavage, it didn't show too much. The dress had twistedstraps to pull around the neck and though it was pretty tight down to the waist the skirt part was flowing and reached to just beneath Summer's knees. The little glittering silver stones that it had along the hem and around the edge of the little triangles to cover her breast (just like a bikini) shimmered in the sunlight that came through the windows and Summer smiled at herself in the mirror – definitely a great dress.

Quick steps echoed through the hallway, followed by Marissa's stressed appearance, as she stormed into Summer's room and let herself fall onto the bed, sighing dramatically.

"Omg…omg…omg…"

"Well, hello to you too, Coop.", Summer greeted her obviously freaking out best friend, still a little pissed that she had dumped her that morning.

"Omg…", Marissa just continued to mumble, looking into space.

"Kinda nice to see you alive and not raped and dead lying in a pillar by the street or being abducted by aliens.", Summer stated, the sarcasm in her voice more than obvious, as she stood in front of Marissa, rolling her eyes at her behaviour.

Marissa though just looked at her confused and raised one of her perfectly manicured eyebrows, showing that she had no clue what Summer was talking about.

"You, me, shopping, this morning….any bells ringing?", she went on, hand on her hip.

Slowly realization drowned over Marissa and her eyes got twice their usual size.

"Omg…I'm so sorry, Sum…I totally forgot about this, but-…but I'm so confused right now…Omg, I can't believe he did this…"

Summer let her arms fall down to her sides and sat down next to her best friend, putting on hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did anything happen?"

Marissa looked at Summer with a mixture of confusion, hurt, shame and embarrassment.

"What am I gonna do now? Everything's just messed up!...", Marissa sighed loudly and looked as if she would start to cry any second.

"Hey, Coop…tell me what's wrong!", Summer pleaded, knowing it must be something huge and important.

Marissa turned to her side, bending on leg beneath her and Summer mimicked the gesture, so that they both sat face to face on the edge of the bed.

After one long final sigh, Marissa finally spilled it…

"Johnny kissed me!"

"OMG…"

Both girls looked at each other with wide eyes.

"What kind of a kiss?"

"Huh?"

"What kind of a kiss was it? A quick peck or a movie-kiss…or did he jab his tongue into your mouth?"

Marissa looked kind of pained at this question but answered anyways…

"Ahm…last!"

"OMG…I knew something like that would happen sooner or later. But you told him to back off, right? You told him you are with Ryan!...I mean, he even knows you're with Ryan. You all are friends….Jeez, what did that guy think he was doing? I'm so gonna kick-…", Summer stopped mid-ramble at the sight of her best friend, sitting in front of her with the most guilty and ashamed expression, shaking her head slightly.

"No?", she asked Marissa, shaking her own head for emphasis. "What does this no´ mean?"

"I didn't."

"You didn't what, Summer asked confused and in rage about Johnny's rudeness.

"I didn't tell him to back off." Marissa's voice was just above a whisper and she shyly played with the hem/end of her white jeans, not acknowledging the utterly shocked look, Summer gave her.

"I-I….You-you what?"

"I kinda kissed back, okay!"

"Okay? You know you have an amazing boyfriend, right?", Summer asked, not believing what she had just heard.

"Yeah, I know…But-…"

"But?...There's a but?"

"I didn't do it intentionally or something like this…I just got lost in it somehow. Ryan had been an ass earlier and then I got to Johnny's and he was so happy about the present and I was happy that he liked it and then he just kissed me…", Marissa explained herself as if she had just done the most normal thing in the world.

Summer, though, just looked at her through wide eyes...

"So what? It's all Johnny's fault now…or even Ryan's?

"Sure! I mean, if Ryan wouldn't have had to play the jealous jerk and had come with me, nothing of this would have happened. And Johnny just kissed me! He just was all thank you´ and it's amazing´ and in the next second he was kissing me. And now I have a boyfriend, who is mad at me due to nothing and a friend, who's completely confusing me…", she said, sighing loudly.

"Coop,…do you even listen to yourself?"

"Why?"

"I mean, five minutes ago you've told me that you kissed Johnny back! Of course it was wrong of him to kiss you in the first place, but he doesn't have a girlfriend, he isn't in a relationship…But you are! So how can this not be your fault?", Summer tried to reason with her…

"Okay, maybe it wasn't the best idea…But we just kissed. It's not like I slept with him or something. And Ryan was just a jerk last night!"

Summer's jaw fell at the words of her best friend. She was so far away from reasonable that summer didn't even know if she really meant it, though.

"Ryan wasn't a jerk, Coop. He was just mad and probably even a little hurt and pissed of…God, do you even realize what's going on lately? Since your first day at Newport Union you grew into a huge Johnny-fan. How was Ryan supposed to react!"

"Crap! I'm not a Johnny obsessed or anything."

"Yeah, you are. It's all about him, all the time. How he looks, feels, what he thinks and does. And you just more and more ignore Ryan. I mean, you knew that Johnny has a thing for you, but instead of just staying away for a while you kinda forced yourself onto him. And now you're wondering how something like this kiss could happen? Duh…You give mixed up signals here, sister.", Summer explained, rolling her eyes.

"No, I'm not. I told Johnny I'm with Ryan. He is just a friend."

"Well, maybe you need to tell him again, cause obviously he didn't quite get it the first time. And more importantly you need to tell Ryan."

"Why that?", Marissa asked completely confused.

"Because that boy loves you, Coop. And he's afraid that he might lose you…"

"Why would he think that?"

"Oh, I dunno…maybe because you got Johnny a very expensive and thoughtful Christmas present and him a pair of to small wife beaters and a …shirt. Or maybe because you dumped him again last night to meet Johnny…Ryan got a Bar Mitz-Vah to help Johnny and you kinda let him down now…and when he has enough you go on and kiss….Johnny."

"God, Sum…How often to I have to say this? He...is…just...a...friend.", Marissa said angrily, almost spiting the words at Summer, who swallowed hard, taken aback by her sudden outburst.

"Yeah, a friend, who loves you and who you made out with, while you had a fight with your boyfriend due to just this particular friend."

"But I love Ryan! Damnit Summer, I didn't come here to be lectured.", Marissa cried out. "Maybe it was a mistake to even come here and tell you! I just thought you were my best friend and that you would understand…", she now screamed, getting up form the bed and stood in front of Summer. "But what was I thinking? How could YOU understand!...Let's face it, Sum...The whole thing with you and Seth is just sheer mockery. And now you're lecturing me about kissing Johnny and not being honest with Ryan, while you two have the most dysfunctional relationship ever…"

Summer couldn't believe what she had just heard and sat frozen to the spot, not able to say or do anything…Where the hell did this come from?

"I don't know if you just like the idea of the prom-queen and the school-geek being in love or if you just like the way he worships the ground you walk on…BUT THIS IS NOT LOVE! You don't even know what love is, Summer. And you already hurt more people in your life than I'll be ever able to even get to know, so STOP being so damn self-content!"

Marissa's words hung in the air like gunfire and Summer needed all her strength to not jump up and hit her or start to cry uncontrollably. How could she dare to even say anything close to this? If one person should know how much she felt for Seth, it should be her best friend. Marissa had seen how much she had fought for him and how much she had suffered when he had left and now that…

She felt how her rage grew in her with every passing second, until she sprung up and yelled in Marissa's face…

"OH, DON'T GIVE ME SHIT LIKE THIS! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I LOVE HIM! MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN YOU LOVE RYAN, OR YOU'LL BE EVER ABLE TO LOVE SOMEONE! "

"OH, YEAH? WELL, I RISKED MY LIFE TO PROTECT RYAN…AND WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOOT SOMEONE TO SHOW THAT YOU LOVE, COOP! AND YOU DIDN'T RISK YOUR LIFE…YOU DID RISK RYAN'S AND TREY'S! THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE!

…AND BESIDES, IF YOU LOVE RYAN SO MUCH…WHY DO YOU ALWAYS NEED SOMEONE ELSE? OLIVER, DJ, ALEX,…JOHNNY?"

"SEE, WHO IS TALKING HERE! THE GIRL, WHO LIVED AN AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL FOR ALMOST A YEAR! WHAT WAS THE WHOLE THING WITH ZACH AND SETH? SETH….ZACH…SETH….ZACH…SETH…"

"OH, THAT SOOOO WAS DIFFERENT, MARISSA! I WANTED TO BE WITH SETH THE WHOLE TIME, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO GET HURT! AND ALTHOUGH I'M NOT TOO PROUD THAT I LED ZACH ON, I KNEW THE WHOLE TIME WHO AND WHAT I WANTED! BUT YOU DON'T! YOU NEVER DID! SOMEBODYS JUST GOOD ENOUGH UNTIL SOMEONE BETTER COMES ALONG!"

"WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T USE PEOPLE INTENTIONALLY!"

"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? THAT I USE SETH?"

"YOU'RE NOT REALLY THINKING THAT YOU'RE GONNA GO TO COLLEGE WITH HIM…ON THE EAST COAST! COME ON! YOU'RE LEADING HIM ON AND USE HIM AS LONG AS YOU WANT AND HE IS AVAILABLE!"

Summer didn't care to even answer to that or to think about what a complete bullshit her so called best friend was yelling at her, as her logical thinking came to a halt and her small palm smacked against Marissa's cheek forcefully.

Marissa looked shocked, before he eyes got smaller and started to shoot daggers at her. Opening her mouth to say something, Summer pushed her tiny hands against Marissa's shoulder, hustling her out of the room…

"OUT! NOW!", she yelled, before she slammed the door shut in the other girl's face and started to cry.

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Kirsten and Sandy sat in the kitchen, both holding a mug full of hot coffee and had placed a plate full of left over Christmas cookies in front of them.

"So, that means you're cool with it now?", Kirsten asked as she took a sip from her coffee, looking meaningfully at her husband.

"I guess I have to be! I can't force her to quit the job and to look after her own health or to give up a relationship. I just-…It still bothers me, though. I don't want her to get hurt again. She's my mom and I care about her."

Kirsten smiled at Sandy's words…

"Oh, a little momma's boy…I see.", she teased, but instead of a smile she just earned a slight frown.

"Maybe it would have been better if I were one.", he barely whispered, looking down at his hands.

"What do you mean?"

Sandy looked into his wife's blue eyes, eyes he could still drown in for hours, even after 20 years of marriage.

"I dunno, maybe if I hadn't left back then…maybe everything would have gone different ways…better ways."

Sandy knew that he had broken his mom's heart as he had left his home right after he graduated and had gone to California to start a life she hated. He had left her alone. Alone with two little kids in the Bronx of New York City, not calling or getting in contact with her once until he had told her he would marry Kirsten Nichol, the daughter of maybe the most representative man of his mother's detestations.

"Sandy-…", Kirsten started to say, but he cut her off.

"No, I should be there for her. Protect her. I don't know, maybe if I would have been around she hadn't got cancer and she hadn't met Bobby or any other man who just hurt her for that matter."

"Sandy, I know you love your mom and that's great, but it's not your job to look after her all the time. You're her son, not her husband or father. You can't tell her what to do and you can't protect her from getting hurt or anything, not even when you would be around her all the time."

Kirsten had tried to comfort him and calm him down, but somehow she had pushed the wrong buttons…

His body tensed and his mood changed from thoughtful and a little sad to utterly angry.

"No, you're right, that's not my job…that is the job of a husband. That was the job of my father. But Kirsten, do you know how it is to live with an alcoholic dad? Do you even imagine how it is when your parents fight every freaking day of your life and then suddenly one is missing and you have to take care for your family, because nobody else can or does?"

Sandy's voice was harsh and cut the air as angry tears formed at the corners of his eyes.

"Kirsten, I was 8 years old as my dad left. He just left the apartment and never came back. No call, no letter and of course no money…he just wasn't there anymore. He just left a pregnant woman and two little kids in the middle of the Bronx all alone. Do you know what that means? Can you even imagine anything close to this? My mom was a mess and my brother just didn't stop crying for weeks and I hated my dad. I hated him with everything that was in me. I can't even remember him, but I remember the feeling of pure and utterly hatred, because that's all I ever felt for him and all I ever will….And I just refuse to let anything close to this ever happen again. I won't let my mom get hurt again like that. Do you understand this?"

Kirsten looked at him through teary eyes. No, she couldn't understand what his childhood had been like. She didn't know how it was to grow up in the Bronx with everything that this brought with it, cause she had always been this upper class girl. She had been born into this world of money, cocktail parties, private schools and ivy leagues, and she had never had to experience the abandonment of a parent. But although she knew that her understanding couldn't reach this dimensions, she tried. She had tried as they had got to know each other all this years ago and he had opened up to her about his family for the first time and she tried to understand and be there for him now…

Sandy looked at her…angry and broken, a side he didn't show so often and never in front of anybody but her.

She wanted to tell him that he was right somehow, but that it was his mom's decision. That she needed someone in her life, a man by her side, and that he had to let her go. That he had to stop worrying and just be there for his mom whenever she needed him and for now just to be happy for her. But she didn't say anything. She just wrapped and arm around him and pulled him close to her…knowing that he already knew all of this and what to do.

Sophie Cohen clenched her eyes shut as she leaned back against the cold wall of the den. He hated him and she couldn't even take offence by it, cause he had been right with everything he had said…

But how was she supposed to tell him now?

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Seth closed his eyes as he voluptuously chewed on the fresh bagel. Although he loved Summer with all his heart, shopping with her could be hell…even if he was allowed in the changing cabin.

Snatches of their conversation during lunch came flowing back into his mind.

"_So, he thinks Coop doesn't love him anymore?"_

"_I dunno. It kinda sounded like that. He's pissed that she's all over Johnny the whole time and-…"_

"_But she does…love him, I mean."_

"_Yeah, I know. That's what I've told him, too, but-…Look, he even got a Bar Mitz-Vah, which by the way is no fun, to help Johnny and to try to be his friend but she seems to…I don't know, she doesn't even care."_

"_Hmm…but they're gonna work this out, right. He's not just giving her up like that?"_

He hadn't told Summer about Ryan's messed up feelings for Marissa, knowing very well that this hadn't been the right time to throw such information at her.

The unmistakeable clicking of Summer's heels found it's way to Seth ears, followed by the sound of the front door falling shut as the tiny brunette appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, looking completely stressed.

"Cohen…upstairs…now…", she commanded breathlessly.

"Wah…"

"We have an emergency on our hands."

And with that she turned on her heels and made her way to the staircase…

"Cohen!"

"Coming…", he called out before he hurriedly followed her up the stairs to his room.

Seth sat down next to Summer on the edge of his bed, watching her playing with her necklace involuntary, her breathing fast and heavy.

"Hey, Sum…what's wrong?

She didn't answer though, just let out a straggled breath and remained looking at her lap. Seth tried to be patient until he was afraid she might rip off the necklace or just go crazy…

"Sum, hey…calm down! Please! Calm down, tell me what's wrong!", he said tenderly.

As she brought her dark teary eyes to his, his heart almost broke.

"We lose her, Seth.", she whispered, he voice raspy and uneven form the tears she tried to hold back desperately.

Seth was lost. He had absolutely no clue what Summer was talking about, besides that she was pretty upset.

"Ahm…who? What? When?", he asked, shaking his head slightly.

"Coop. We're gonna lose her. You know why she dumped me this morning? Because she needed to think about Johnny. Yeah..Johnny. And you know what else…they kissed, made out…however you like to call it…What if she's gonna break up with Ryan to be with Johnny? Can you imagine that? She will spend all her time with him, even more than now, and she won't have anytime left of us..me. And of course it would be awkward, cause I'm with you and you're Ryan's brother and gradually our friendship will wear down and then we're gonna head to different colleges, maybe see each other again at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but don't know what to talk about and 10 years later I'll get an invitation to her wedding reception and maybe even her first baby party and then that was it…."

"Woah…slow down there a little bit, okay, Seth stated smiling, finding her incredibly cute when she was frowning and freaking out like that.

"Nooo…", she pouted. "Didn't you hear me? They kissed! Next step, they're sleeping together and then she's gonna break up with Ryan and everything will go downhill. You have to talk to Ryan! Tell him that he's gotta fight for her and that he needs to do something huge…special…grand romantic gesture…"

Now it was Seth, who was frowning…

"Okay…first of all, the grand romantic gestures are my thing. Ryan is more the 'freeing the virgin'-type. And besides…I'm not sure if Ryan's gonna do that…you know, ahm…fight for her.", he said sheepishly, trying not to be on the end of a rage blackout, he was sure was coming.

"What do you mean?"

Closing his eyes, Seth tried desperately to find the right words to tell her what Ryan had told him about his feelings for Marissa. But who was he kidding here? He was a Cohen after all, he would never find the right words…

"Ryan isn't sure if he's still in love with Marissa."

Tick….tick….tick….tick.…tick….

Seth listened to the ticking of his watch as he waited for Summer to say something. He was sure she would freak and so he tried to be as invisible as possible, sitting straight without any movement, his eyes still closed and concentrating on something else - he had seen in a movie that it might work…well, if you were an overpaid actor, playing the main role in the latest screen adaptation of a comic book.

Tick….tick….tick….tick.…tick….

Still nothing had happened and he wondered if Summer was still there or maybe he had just found out that he was a superhero and able to stop time or something…so Seth opened his left eye, seeing Summer still sitting next to him.

Opening his other eye he was startled by Summer's sudden outburst.

"Oh, bullshit. He does love her. I know it, you know it and he's gonna know it, too, when I'll be ready with him!...Cohen, we need a plan."

"A-a plan?"

"Yeah. A plan to get Ryan and Marissa back together…or more together…", Summer said frowning, not knowing what the right name was since they weren't really broken up yet. "I dunno…but I'm not gonna give her up or lose her or whatsoever…sooo."

She looked at him expectantly, her dark brown eyes large and full of emotions and mind full of crazy ideas and once again he was just overwhelmed by how much he felt for her.

"Oh, you are so cute my little warrior.", he stated, pulling her into a long lingering kiss, feeling her body grew limb in his arms.

She looked at him intensely, searching even, as they broke apart. Marissa's words rushed back into her mind. No, she wasn't using him or leading him on…She loved him. She knew it, she felt it…And he knew it, too, right?

"Cohen?", she asked, her voice full of emotion. "You know that I love you, right?"

Her voice just sounded the tiniest bit hopeful, needing to hear that he knew, but he had barely time to smile at her as the doorbell rang and he had to make his way downstairs.

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Summer sighed. She knew that he knew that she loved him, just as much as she knew that he loved her back with all his heart. He had proven it to her on more than just one occasion. She didn't need to hear him actually say it, right?

Another small sigh escaped her mouth and she closed her eyes for a second, trying to get all the bad and sad thoughts out of her mind before she followed him downstairs.

She came down the stairs right the moment when Seth opened the door and from her position she saw him stooping dead in his tracks, his face shocked and happy at the same time as his mouth fell slightly open.

"Surprise!", a young female and somehow familiar voice called out cheerily and as Summer turned the corner she saw the blonde, yet much longer hair and the familiar face with the big brown eyes…

"Anna…", her and Seth stated at the same time, both equally surprised but in a very different way.

Summer felt small, even tinier than her actual size at the sight of her former enemy and friend. She looked stunning. Her natural blonde hair had grown till a little over her shoulder, falling around her face in perfect soft strains. Her dark brown eyes were sparkling in excitement and in contrast to her former colourful makeup she seemed to go with the natural type now, cause besides some mascara and lip gloss her perfectly looking skin was makeup-free. She wore a tight hip-hugging jeans and a cocoa-coloured shirt with a big smiling sun and the words 'I love Cali' written on it, which just underlined the colour of her hair and the yellow ballerinas just matched it perfectly. Summer was sure, if she was a guy she would fall for her right that second and would probably drool around just like Seth did now.

She tried to swallow the big lump in her throat as Seth smiled at his ex-girlfriend, showing her his adorable dimples, and pulled her into a tight embrace.

No, this just couldn't be happening…

Seth had completely lost his ability of thinking straight at the sight of Anna Stern standing on his front porch. He hadn't seen her since the fateful day almost two years ago as she went back to Pittsburgh due to, he still was convinced, his relationship with Summer right after they had broken up. And the last time they had actually talked had been way to long.

He pulled his arms tight around her waist as reaction to her firm hug, as she leaned her lean body against his, and breathed in her scent. She was so different from Summer. While she always smelled like coco and vanilla, sometimes even strawberry, Anna always smelled like the sea. She smelled like sailing, like gigantic waves crushing against the shore and huge cliffs, she smelled like the wind that blew through your hair while you were out on the ocean…

Her blonde hair tickled at his neck and he slowly let go off her, never once getting rid of the smile that played around his lips and the look of pure awe and joy.

"Hey, Sum…", Anna said cheerily as she stepped past Seth to engulf her former friend in an equally tight embrace.

Summer hugged back just as tightly. She was happy to see Anna. She really was,…they had become really good friends before she had left to go back to Pittsburgh, but somehow she couldn't get rid of that twisting feeling in her stomach.

"It' sooo good to see you two. I really missed ya.", Anna stated as she let go off Summer too, who immediately wrapped an arm around Seth waist.

She wasn't really the jealous type, but it was Anna. She was his ex-girlfriend and although he had told her that he had always just been in love with her and she believed him, there still was this connection between Anna and Seth, the connection between a former couple and of course the special connection they shared since they were so much alike. And maybe, just maybe Summer wasn't so self-confident like everyone thought, especially not when it came to Seth and her feelings for him.

"Yeah, you too…omg, I can't believe you're really here."

Seth's dreamily and happy voice caused Summer's chest to tighten and she forced herself to smile into the direction of the tall blonde.

"So, you two are still together?"

"Yap.", Seth stated proudly and wrapped his arm around Summer's shoulders, pulling her awkwardly against his side…

"Omg, there' so much you have to tell me. And like soooo much I have to tell you."

"I bet.", Summer said under her breath as Seth steered her into the direction of the living room, already deep in a conversation with Anna about his family and Ryan.

About one hour later, Summer was completely freaked out. She had excused herself full of five times. Twice to get some sodas and three times to head to the bathroom, just to look at her face in the mirror, trying to bring her breathing back to normal and her mind to stop spinning, which of course hadn't worked at all, as she had come back from her little bathroom break, just to find Anna and Seth all cuddly and laughing on the sofa…

They had already gone through every possible topic and Summer had a hard time staying awake as Anna had told about her life in Pittsburgh and her friends, that she intended at a school drama and that she had gone on a sailing adventure last summer with a few of her friends for whole two months, while Seth had told her every detail about his comic book with Zach, his mom and the death of Caleb…

Somewhere through all this, Summer had stopped to count the amount and the friend-or-crush-potential of every touch, every smile or look. It was pointless, cause there she sat - Summer Roberts at the edge of the sofa, good five inches away from her boyfriend, who had slightly turned his back to her and talked to his amazing ex-girlfriend. They were laughing and touching and talking, while Seth hadn't even acknowledged her appearance once in the last hour besides a forced 'thanks' as she had handed him a soda. Right now they were talking about colleges and of course they had send applications to all the same…all on the East Coast.

"So, you're really gonna go together?", Anna's voice brought her back into reality and she just nodded automatically in response.

"Wow, that is so great for you two. I don't know if I could do this. Give up everything just to follow my boyfriend to college."

Summer felt her heart just beat a little faster at this statement. What the hell was she talking about?

"Well, I just realized that I wanted to do something with my life, like go to a good college and have a career, and as I got my SAT score, which by the way was really high, there were chances for me to actually do it. And the best colleges are at the East Coast. It's just another positive criteria that Seth's gonna head there too…other ways we would have made the whole long distance thing work somehow."

Okay, that came out much more bitchy than Summer had wanted and it wasn't even the complete truth, not even half of it, and Seth knew it and judging by his slightly confused look he gave her right then she knew that she might have crossed a line, she hadn't been aware off.

"Hey, it's great that you are so serious this time.", Anna said, trying to cover the awkward situation. "The last time I talked to Seth you were broken up and I just told him to be confident and fight for you. It's good to see that he seems to have taken the advice,"

Of course Anna couldn't have known where she would get herself into with that innocent statement.

Seth closed his eyes, sighing loudly, This was so not supposed to happen.

"What do you mean? When did you two talk as we were broken up?"

Summer looked from Seth to Anna and back to Seth, who had his eyes still closed and his head bent down, already looking defeated.

"Ahm…he called from Portland the last time."

"He what?"

Anna looked completely lost and confused as Summer shot daggers at Seth, who just looked as if he had stolen something really expensive and had gotten busted.

"You called her from Portland?", her voice cracked at the end as mad tears formed at the corners of her eyes. God, she hadn't been so angry and sad at the same time for like ever.

"Yeah,…Summmer, look-…", he tried to say, looking at her intensely.

"No,…you know what, I'm just gonna go. I-I've stuff to do. Nice to have talked to you Anna…I will see you around. Bye."

Summer hurried out of the Cohen's mansion down the driveway to her car, where she immediately stamped on the gas pedal and sped of.

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A white man, around mid-forty looked through the old, patched up and ugly looking blinds that were shielding back the late afternoon sun. The rumpled motel room was dark, just lightened up by some scattered rays of sunlight that came through the holes in the blinds, which was making the flying around dust visible. A huge messed up bed stood at one of the walls with a bedside table on each side, the drawers lifted out of their hinges. The commode on the opposite wall didn't look any better and the floor around it was covered with clothes and shoes and an old worn duffel bag.

He sighed deeply and rested his head against the window frame before he looked through the drawers of the commode again, hesitating he pulled a silver gun out of a plastic bag, holding it in his hands, before he put it into the waistband of his jeans.

Looking into the old broken mirror next to the door he stopped dead in his tracks at his appearance, His hair was long and straggly and hung in messy strains down into his eyes, which were surrounded by dark rings. His skin was pale and the once striking facial features hollow, making him look at least 10 years older than he actually was. The old white t-shirt had spots on it and was torn on one sleeve and so didn't look much better than the old worn-out jeans or the black dockers.

He ran his hands over his face, trying to sort out his thoughts before he shook his head and hurried to the nearest nightstand, pulling the drawers out and throwing them through the small dark room before he climbed over the bed to the other side, doing the same with the drawers of the second nightstand.

One desperate sob escaped his hoarse throat as he let himself fall against the wall, sliding down on it until he sat on the floor, legs outstretched in front of him with his head in his hands.

Suddenly a cell phone started to ring somewhere in the dark mess of the room but he didn't move, just listened to the monotone beeping until it eventually stopped.

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Sophie Cohen looked out of the passenger window of her son's black luxurious BMW as they drove through Los Angeles to get to the airport. The sun slowly set behind the made of glass skyscrapers and bathed everything in an orange-red light.

How was she supposed to tell him now? She had known from the beginning that the whole situation wouldn't be easy, in fact she had already known how Sandy would react to the news about her new job and her moving back to New York City. But she hadn't known how she would react to this one tiny but yet special and important detail and that had caused her hopes to be high, far too high. She had realized this as Sandy had told Kirsten about his dad and what he felt for him, which was nothing except pure hatred like he had called it, and now there she was – disappointed but yet still understanding about his feelings, but on the other hand in a conflict between her oldest son and the man she loved.

Memories of her life forty years ago played before her inner eye, as she had found out that her husband had left her and the kids, herself pregnant in the third trimester and without any money or a job or any future in prospect, whether it was for her or for her kids. She remembered that she had gotten sick and that Sandy had taken care for her and his younger brother and later his baby-sis until she had gotten better, that he had gotten a job at the little supermarket down the street, where he was supposed to restock the products in the shelves and how proud he had been when he came home after his first week with 10 dollars in his tiny hand.

But then memories of his graduation came back to her mind and how she had found him in his room, packing his navy blue duffel bag and told her that he had gotten accepted at an university in California and that he was about to leave. She didn't know how she had lived through all this years that he hadn't called or visited or even tried to get back in contact with her and his siblings, but she still knew how shocked she had been as he had suddenly stood in the doorway to her small apartment with the sweet blonde woman attached to his arm, telling her that he would get married.

The vision turned into the image of Ephraim's face. His dark brown eyes and black curls…his always slightly mischievous smile. She remembered as she had met him in Miami, how the butterflies in her stomach returned, making her blush, since she had thought that being in love or having a crush on someone was just teenage stuff. The butterflies hadn't gone, all those weeks they had spent together and they had even gotten more as she had gone to New York City and had stayed at his apartment. She hadn't found any sleep the first night, having been too nervous to even close her eyes, just like a little girl.

No, she couldn't decide between those two men, for whom she felt so much love for. They had both hurt her and made her so happy…how could she decide between the man she loved and wanted by her side for the rest of her life and her son? But she knew that whatever she did, tell or not tell, she would hurt one of them eventually.

"We're here.", Sandy's voice yanked her out of her deep thoughts and she realized that they had already arrived at the airport, standing in the car park. She watched people hurry around - some with their families, some alone, some with huge amount of luggage who looked exited and happy and others with just a small bag or briefcasewho looked exhausted and stressed, obviously just being on a business trip instead of vacation.

Sophie followed Sandy through the wide entrance area and watched him looking at the announcement-board to search for her gate.

"I think you have to go to gate 15. It's the only flight to New York until 6:30, so it must be it. You're okay? Do you have anything?"

"Yeah, 'dad'…quit worrying."

He smiled down at her. God, if he would just knew how much he resembled his father…

"Okay…I think it's time for 'good-bye' then."

"Yeah, except if you want to bring your old mom to her seat in the plane yourself.", she said ironically at his over-protectiveness.

And again he smiled, looking like a little young boy, who just got busted doing something wrong, but yet knew that his mom wasn't really mad.

"Okay…Bye, mom. I'm gonna miss ya.", he stated truthfully as he bent down to her height and hugged her tight.

"Yeah, me too."

"Call when you're home."

"Yeah, yeah…."

"It's was good to see you, you know,…have you around on Christmas."

"Christmukkah, sweetie…Christmukkah…but you, too."

She pulled away from him after she had placed one last motherly kiss on his cheek and grabbed the handle of her suitcase.

"Oh, and mom…greet Ephraim from me."

Sophie stopped dead in her tracks and looked back at Sandy. Now or never…tell or not tell. Thousand of different emotions and thoughts hurried through her mind and heart…

"I will."

"Bye."

"Bye.", she winked as she walked further into the messy crowd of the airport.

Taking one last glance over her shoulder, she saw the big glass-made electronic doors close behind Sandy's back before he got lost between cars and people.

Never….

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Kirsten and Julie were at the Yacht Club for 3 hours now, trying to finally make specific plans for their new dating agency, called 'New Match', which was the only thing they had both agreed to…but now, discussing covers and layouts, fonts and colours and whatsoever both were equally pissed since they had very different ideas of how the whole thing should look like.

"Okay then…What if we'd take this cover with the black font there?", Kirsten asked as she held up two different catalogues from the huge stock of them and papers and notebooks on the little table.

"Black? Kirsten, it's supposed to be a dating service not a funeral home…What about the golden font?", Julie more stated than suggested.

"Gold?"

Kirsten swallowed hard. This would so never work out at all. If they couldn't even agree on which cover they would take or what font would match best, how could they ever run a successful business?

She watched Julie scribbling her own idea onto the notepad. God, this woman was quite a challenge…and needed to be stopped now, if she ever wanted to have any say in anything concerning the business again.

"Hey, what about we get something to eat. I'm starving."

"Sure.", Julie stated cheerily as she closed the notebook and laid it down on top of the other material and grabbed the menu card.

One for Kirsten, Zero for Julie.

After they had ordered and Julie had gotten her third cosmopolitan in a row while Kirsten still slurped on her water, being not as cool with it as just one hour ago, everything about work was forgotten and both women were discussing the latest Newport gossip.

"So did you know that Beth has an affair with Reverend Baker?"

"What?", Kirsten asked unbelievingly, choking on her Cesar's salad.

"Yeah, and now Mrs. Baker found out…And now his vice has to hold the prays, cause the got him a blue eye and he can't leave the house."

Kirsten tried to suppress the smile that crept up her lips due to the absurdity of those rumours. No, nobody could say that it was boring to live in Newport.

"Oh, and did you see the Andrew's girl? She's so pregnant. And nobody even knows who the father is. Can you imagine that? Right before graduation and college."

Kirsten looked meaningful at her friend. Wasn't it her who had come to LA right after graduation and started an affair with the older Jimmy just to fell pregnant before she even turned 19…

Julie somehow seemed to get that…

"I know what you're thinking. But it wasn't like I would have gone to college anyways. But this girl had plans. Liza told me that she wanted to go to Yale or Harvard. What would you do if Summer would get pregnant now? Her and Seth' plans would so be ruined."

Another smile played around Kirsten's lips. Of course, the possibility was always there, but Seth had had more then one painful talk with his dad and as much as she knew Summer wasn't that kind of a girl, who would just risk her future like that. So, Kirsten didn't think that she had to worry about anything like this anytime soon.

"What about Marissa, though?", she asked with a smirk.

"I'm just glad that she even seems to consider college. Pregnant or not, I'm not sure if she's really gonna go though. She's not the planning-your-future-type of girl. I guess, if it would go after her, she would spend all her time at the beach complaining about her life. Jimmy-genes…"

"Hey, she's not that bad."

"No, I know. It's just…since she rounded the 14, she hates me. That's her hobby and when she finds an opportunity to hurt me she does. And well…I couldn't even afford college right now, so…"

"And what's with Caitlin's money for boarding school?"

"Nope. Nothing…she'll go to Newport Union with Marissa next year."

Julie tried to play the whole situation off, but Kirsten could only imagine how she must really feel…

"You know, the offer for the money is still on…"

Julie looked at her, through slightly teary eyes, before she went back to her usual self.

"Nope…Thanks, Kirsten, but I'm gonna earn my own money with this goddamn dating thingy. And who knows, maybe our beloved Jimmy will become a man anytime soon and finally take care and responsibility for his family."

"What do you mean? You still haven't heard anything form him?"

Julie shot Kirsten a meaningful look.

"We both know that you would be the first he would call, Kirsten."

She brought her eyes back down, looking intensively at the half eaten salad in front of her. She was right though. Although Jimmy had married Julie and her Sandy, the special bond, the connection between them had never gone, nor eased at intensity. But yet, she still had no clue why he had left again in the first place. One day he had been happy with Julie and everything and in the next moment he had been gone and never been heard of again.

As she brought her eyes back to Julie, she met her gaze, which had suddenly become sad.

"You want to know why he left?", Julie concluded. "I don't know, Kirsten. I wish I'd do, but I don't… Did you know that he asked me to marry him again?"

Kirsten's jaw fell at this statement. Of course she had been in rehab at this time, but Sandy would have told her. Jimmy would have told her.

"We had everything planed out…Just Marissa knew. It should be a surprise. You coming home and our wedding, just with our closest friends. But well, then he just left and I haven't heard of him since."

It didn't sound like Jimmy at all. Although he had made mistakes, he wasn't that kind of a man who just left. Especially not in this kind of a situation. Something must have happened, but according to Julie's behaviour and her obvious feelings she hadn't had any clue as well…

Both women started to pick at their salads again, kind of confused and emotionally drained out by the sudden turn of the conversation as the lost themselves deep in their own thoughts…

000000000000000000000000000000000

Marissa had sat at the life guard tower at the beach half of the day, avoiding any calls from her mom, Caitlin or Johnny. She had needed to think – think about her relationship with Ryan, her feelings for Johnny and about what Summer had said. It had been their worst argument ever, but although she might have been right with a few things, most of what Summer had thrown against her head had been complete crap and Marissa still thought that she had been right after all. But with one thing Summer had been right, she needed to talk to Ryan, and that was exactly what she was about to do as she walked along the patio of the Cohen's before she came to a halt in front of the closed glass doors of the pool house.

With one final intake of breathe she knocked slightly before she opened the door.

Ryan sat on the floor. His back leaned against the feet of his bed as he pushed roughly onto the buttons of his PS2 controller, not acknowledging her in the least.

"Ryan?", she asked, her voice merely above a whisper as she stepped further into the room.

He gave no sign that he had heard her or that he knew that she was there until she closed the doors behind her and leaned against them and he mumbled something under his breath simultaneously with a huge 'Game Over' appearing on the screen and the beeping as he started a new game.

"Ryan?", she asked again, but still didn't get any answer, not even a look or nod or anything…

"Okay…you don't want to talk. I get it. But I have to tell you a few things so…just listen, okay!"

He shifted a little and continued to kill the ninjas in his game.

"I didn't want t hurt you or give you the feeling that Johnny means more to me than you do, I really didn't. It's just that…since I'm going to another school than you and Summer and Seth…I don't know, but I feel like an outsider or something. It may sound stupid, but all my life I had this huge crowd around me, was friends with almost everyone my age at school and the last two years it has always been us four against the rest of the world or something. I even felt like this when we were all broken up. But now I'm alone. And you talk about people in school and what happened but I'm never a part of it, cause I wasn't there and that hurts somehow."

Marissa took one large breath to stop the tears that had welled behind her eyes from falling as she almost penetrated Ryan's back with her eyes, who still didn't acknowledged her at all.

"Well, as I met Johnny and Chili and the others I finally was part of something again. I had new friends…And that was fun. But through all this I also had to deal with Trey and everything. I know that he's okay and nothing really bad happened, but I still shot someone. Nobody could understand, not Summer and not you and every time I've tried to talk to you about it anyway you put it down, didn't want to talk about and I understood it somehow although it hurt. I needed someone who would understand what I went through and that's when Johnny told me about his dad and he understood.

I could talk to him about everything I couldn't talk about with you or Summer or anyone for that matter and so we got to know each other better and became very close friends.

She looked at Ryan as tears spilled from her eyes and run down her face until they stopped at her chin and fell down onto her white shirt. Ryan had stopped to play a while ago, but still hadn't looked at her once. Her gaze wandered from his unmoving body to the screen in front of him, where once again the words 'Game Over' blinked, before she looked back at him, wiping some tears off of her nose.

"But that doesn't have anything to do with us, Ryan. Johnny is a friend, a very close friend even, but that's is. But you are my boyfriend. I love you. Just you and not Johnny, okay…And I just don't want to lose you due to this. I can't."

A tiny sob escaped her throat as more tears streamed now rapidly down her cheeks. Ryan got up from his place on the floor and went over to her, finally looking at her, locking his gaze with hers as his hands cupped her face and he wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

"I know. I know all of this, Marissa…and I love you, too.", he said and they shared a small smile, before he went on..."But I just saw too many people that meant something to me leave, I just got hurt by too many people I loved. And I just don't want to get hurt again. Especially not by you and not in this way."

"You won't."

The both looked deep into each other's eyes and a smile played around their lips as their foreheads met.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Ryan placed a lingering kiss on Marissa's lips, but broke is yet so suddenly.

"So, we're good?"

"Yeah, more than good.", she stated with a wide grin, before she pulled him in for another kiss.

* * *

Thx for reading and please REVIEW! ;) 

I promise you, the next update won't take that long..

Bye

Sarah


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